Two part-time Reliant Stadium security guards were fired on Sunday for posing for photos with Tom Brady, though both now former guards claim they were only doing it right as they were clocking out for the day. The security contractor said it doesn’t matter as it’s against policy for employees to ask NFL players for autographs or photos. Surely Tom Brady didn’t know about that policy. RIGHT?
[Brady walks down hallway from locker room and spots security]
TOM BRADY: Great effort by your guys, today. They almost got us!
SECURITY GUARD: Nice win, Tom.
TOM BRADY: Hey, I have an idea: how’s about some photos?
SECURITY GUARD: We really shouldn’t. It’s against the rules.
TOM BRADY: C’monnnn. Rules? You think I got to be where I am by playing by the rules?
SECURITY GUARD: Well. All right. We’re just about the clock out, anyway.
TOM BRADY: That’s what I’m talking about! Quick, while my hair is still perfect.
[They pose for photos]
SECURITY GUARD: Thanks, Tom!
TOM BRADY: Oh, no. Thank you! You’re keeping us safe.
[Walks around corner to find head of stadium security]
TOM BRADY: Hey, I don’t wanna alarm you, but you got a couple BUSH LEAGUE THUGS on your staff. Tried to shake me down just a few minutes ago. Lucky for me I used my keen negotiating skills to get them down to a couple of photos. Pretty traumatic experience, though.
RELIANT STADIUM HEAD OF SECURITY: I’m so sorry, Mr. Brady. I’ll deal with this at once.
[Brady leaves the locker room area, whistling as he strolls to his personal helicopter]