I usually try to get a NFL-related visual element to top the Klearinghouse, but news just doesn’t want to cooperate today. That’s mid-July for you. So here’s the latest single-serving Tumblr making the rounds: Rich Kids of Instagram. Because we can always use a little more contempt of obscenely privileged people in our lives. Try to pinpoint future NFL owners. It’s fun. It that fails, here’s a clip of a local FOX affiliate showing Kate Upton dancing in lieu of of Justin Verlander pitching. I salute their news judgment.
— Victor Cruz appeared on TV and didn’t salsa. Savor the moment. It’ll never happen again. Apparently he’s shopping a book with the presumed title “I’ve Only Had One Good Season: Why Am I Writing A Book?”
— Ed Reed tells CSN Baltimore: “I always planned on playing this season. I never thought about not playing.” 30 seconds later: “I retired this off-season.”
— Troy Polamalu told the Dan Patrick Show that he’s lied about injuries in order to stay in games. He wouldn’t specify whether those lies were to team officials, but if not them, who exactly? He must’ve walked over to the stands and lied to some fans. Anyway, good luck getting off the sideline if he takes another questionable hit to the head this season.
— The area just outside Atlanta where Cam Newton went to high school wants to change the name of a stretch of road to Cam Newton Drive. This has angered some residents for stated reasons such as “I’d have to update my address” and “he’s a me-first laptop-thievin’ GLORY BOY” but I think we all know it has to do with clashing SEC allegiances.
— According to Peter King’s partner-in-nuggetology, Ross Tucker, a suspension for either conduct detrimental to the team or for substance abuse reasons would default Marshawn Lynch’s new contract and voids guaranteed money. Uh… whoops.