Very average linebacker A.J. Hawk pushed a guy into a lake making a tackle during a pick-up football game with some Ohio State alums at a charity golf tournament. I always felt the lack of boobie traps and hazards was the one thing that kept the XFL from taking off. That’s what you get for half-assing it, McMahon.
— Gronk will once again have his general shirtlessness on display, along with some other body parts that he does occasionally keep covered in this year’s edition of ESPN The Magazine’s Body Issue. Maurice Jones-Drew will also be featured. Jon Gruden can’t wait for the unobstructed view of MJD’s “thick lowers”.
— Rob Ryan was spotted at a Texas Rangers game wearing a polo shirt he either got for 75 cents at a thrift store next to a country club or stole from a swimming pool locker room in 1987.
— A 27-year-old woman is shopping photos to news outlets of Terrell Owens allegedly masturbating to her on Skype. Beyond the fact that woman said that she’s pushing the photos because T.O. stopped contacting her on Skype, I enjoy it when terrible gossip columnists get to write ledes like this: “TERRELL OWENS isn’t playing football at the moment. But the former Eagles wide receiver may be keeping busy playing with himself.
— If you’ve got $140 to spare and hate yourself, you could do worse than purchasing this sculpture of a Tebowing robot. Would a Tebot be overly pious toward God or toward humans, its more direct but middleman creator? It’s these kind of theological quandaries that keep me up at night, but that’s only because drunk reading Asimov at 3 a.m. is the best.
— Speaking of Teebs, he’s pissed about those bitchy things Brady Quinn said about him a few months back and now he’s dishing about what a tool Quinn is, specifically that he still constantly brags that he went to Notre Dame like anyone is impressed or gives a sh*t.