The New York Times has bigger problems this week than getting mocked again for stupid trend pieces, but there have been three egregious examples this spring that’s raised the bile to apoplectic levels.
So here we go.
Screw you for making monocles a “thing” again. Good God, is there anything worse than hipster fashion? Yes, there is: hipster fashion that doesn’t actually exist. Sure, you can address the story itself in some sort of weird, meta fashion, but it doesn’t change the fact you pulled a story about hipsters in Brooklyn supposedly wearing monocles out of your ass. Brooklyn hipsters are the worst* and your stories about them hit a new low with this.
Screw you, New York Times, for making American soccer fans seem even MORE insufferable than they already were. The way Americans consume European soccer has changed dramatically in the 20 years since the United States hosted the World Cup. NBC Sports aired EVERY SINGLE FINAL MATCH of this year’s EPL day simultaneously across just about every network with an NBC affiliation. Even a yokel like me watches the occasional EPL or Champions League match and always try to follow USMNT players playing overseas. But you can’t deny the hilariously misguided elitism that runs rampant through American soccer fan circles. So what happens when you view that fandom through the prism of “New York City’s creative class”? A shitstorm of diarrhea that feels like flesh eating bacteria are gnawing away at your cerebral cortex. It’s a new level of high-minded rich people hobbies and if you’ve ever read the Times’ wedding sections (a must!), you know how bad it already is.
Screw you, New York Times, for giving more than one word to “normcore,” the new trend of rich kids in which they ironically “slum it” with fashion like t-shirts and jeans. A hoodie and jeans with generic Nike sneakers? To people who read VICE, that’s the momentary fashion kick. To the rest of the world, it’s called “what we wear every day.” I once lived in Georgia**, assholes, and if you think you’re being cute when you wear a faded t-shirt and acid wash jorts is a fashion statement, I’ve got a size 12 Reebok Pump to put up your ass. Some of us wear family reunion picnic t-shirts purchased at a thrift store because we can’t really afford much else, not because we want to have a fashion smirk.*** This is partly Macklemore’s fault**** but you’re culpable, Times, for giving this an ounce of attention.
It wasn’t too long ago I railed against the wave of nostalgia for shitty ’90s pop culture. Even those were a result of trend pieces; all it took was one Buzzfeed retrospective on ‘Friends’ or a 10,000 word essay about the allegorical nature of ‘The Adventures of Pete & Pete’ on the A.V. Club and BAM! Trends. (That said, I’m looking forward to these high-brow pop culture sites twisting themselves into pretzels to find something good in the new ‘Boy Meets World’ spin-off.) So it’s not just the Times or clueless mainstream media sites that fall in to this trap. It’s everyone. But the Times is – by far – the worst.
At this rate, you can count on the Times banking a big lifestyle piece in November 2015: “The NFL: It’s not just for straight people anymore!”
[Notes: * – Scientifically, Brooklyn hipsters are not, in fact, the worst. The “worst” are Vancouver Canuck fans; ** – Not for very long because it’s Georgia; *** – Okay, sometimes they are kinda funny; **** – Correction to earlier note: Macklemore is, in fact, the worst.]