‘Whachu Mean I’m Outta Timeouts?!’

09.15.08 9 years ago 33 Comments

[4th quarter, TV Timeout]

Romeo Crennel: HEY! Hey ref! I’mma call timeout after this play here! We gotta stop the clock!

Linesman: You’re outta timeouts, coach.

Romeo Crennel: Whachu mean I’m outta timeouts?! I only used three this half!

Linesman: Actually, coach, that’s all the timeouts your team is allotted for a given half.

Romeo Crennel: Well, you ain’t gonna screw me with these brand new rules tonight. I’mma stop the clock the next play.

Linesman: That’s great, coach, but that stoppage would be dependent upon the action on the field. There’s no way you can do that from here.

Romeo Crennel: Whachu mean I can’t stop the clock?! What if I wanna make a…you know…when I switch them guys around?

Linesman: A substitution?

Romeo Crennel: Yeah! You gotta stop the clock for that, right?

Linesman: No, coach, you substitute freely between plays, as you’ve been doing the entire game.

Romeo Crennel: Okay, what if I line up all my players on the field so that their bodies spell out the words TIME OUT?

Linesman: I believe that’s physically impossible to do with 11 people, coach. And if it were, such an action would have no legal significance in the game of football.

Romeo Crennel: But what if I wanna put in a pinch-hitter?

Linesman: What?

Romeo Crennel: YOU HEARD ME FOOL! What if I want to put in a pinch-hitter?!

Linesman: Coach, you…you just can’t.

Romeo Crennel: What if I want to make a pit stop for fresh tires?

Linesman: …Fresh tires? On what?

Romeo Crennel: AIN’T NO CONCERN OF YOURS, WHITE BREAD! You stop the clock for fresh tires, right?

Linesman: No.

Romeo Crennel: Penalty shots?

Linesman: No.

Romeo Crennel: Pitching changes?

Linesman: No.

Romeo Crennel: Running the Zamboni?

Linesman: No.

Romeo Crennel: Side outs?

Linesman: No.

Romeo Crennel: Tea interval?

Linesman: God, no.

Romeo Crennel: Then what the fuck, man? What am I supposed to do?

[TV timeout ends]

Linesman: Good luck, coach. [runs off]

Romeo Crennel: Man, that guy just really hates me. [looks toward team] Let’s go fellas, we can do this!

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