Eli’s all growns up. Help us profit from his good fortune, won’t you? Click here for this and more.
You wouldn’t want Ape to starve during the off season.
I still prefer the cotton gin.
Whew, the rush is over, now I can go back to not rooting for the Giants.
Go Bears and Go Super Bowl Losers Curse!
What do you mean there’s no game for like seven months? Can I get a recount on this?
Viva el Eli
In case you were wondering, Bill Simmons is still a douchebag:
“With that said, I never thought the Patriots would lose. I thought they’d be tested, I thought the game would be great … but lose??? You could point out 10 different instances when the Pats blew a chance to make a monster play or put the game away, and you could point out all the different times the Giants caught a break or had a ball bounce their way…”
What fucking game was he watching? I saw the Giants control the game for the most part, with a few key fuck ups in Patriot territory keeping them from having a double-digit lead heading into the fourth.
I’m back to hating the Giants now, but after the play to Tyree, I almost bought that shirt.
It compliments perfectly the “his & his” shirt:
/Challenges for a too many men on the field call
biggus ruckus:I agree, the Giants were helping the Pats out with the INT and the fumble. And the PASS Interference and too many men calls.
“caught a break or bounce their way’? WTF? Does Belicheat write for Bill Simmons?
Although the most douchebagiest part of Simmons column is debatable, this part gets my vote:
“Somehow, I forgot to pack my good-luck Wes Welker jersey and headed to Sunday’s game without any Pats gear. Originally intent on buying a Pats hat at the game, once I caught all the jerseys in the stands and in my section, I made the executive decision to fine myself $85 dollars (the price of a white No. 81 Moss jersey at one of those merchandise booths). You can currently find that jersey sitting at the bottom of the garbage can in my hotel room. I might take it home and burn it. I haven’t decided yet.”
I don’t think I can pick a douchiest part. The whole thing is like a fountain of douche.
+1 sized ladies tee CC
How can the stock market be down right now? We just got proof of a God. We just got proof that, indeed, as Alicia Keys promised, everythings gonna be allllllllright.
Wow you guys, I was gonna read Simmons today and only today, but I just wouldn’t be able to after seeing the excerpts. Maybe I could read 3 paragraphs, but after that I’d need to stop. Even when he’s crying (which should be a source of constant joy to me) he just sounds unbearable.
“The whole thing is like a fountain of douche.”
+19 to Biggus Rickus?
Or should I say +18 and 1?
Just imagine 8 billion words of self-referential bullshit and myopic homerism and…wait, that’s every Simmons column.
“If you could have picked anything to happen at that specific moment to capture what everyone was feeling, you would have brought U2 out to sing “Beautiful Day.” I remember thinking to myself, “Every time I hear this song for the rest of my life, I’m going to think about this game.”
Six years later, I was standing there watching Petty sing “Free Fallin'” and thinking, “Good God, is this the Bizarro Beautiful Day?”
That’s my submission for “Doucheiest Excerpt”… Only a true masshole believes they are anything close to important… douche
anyone who suggests the jints won by anything less than an all out effort by BOTH teams is a douche chieftain. Therefore every time Simmons says “caught a break, got lucky, came out flat” he ascends into higher levels of douche than have been previously documented.
The game I saw was one where the patriots played their asses off and still got schooled on almost every play. Pats O-line ARE all pros but the NY D-line just wanted it more.
could you guys make some nice girls’ eli t-shirts? my girlfriend likes her mens’ XS but would probably buy a babydoll or tank top or something.
1. thank you for making a “/shits pants” onesie! my wife hates you.
2. I wanted to buy a few “gay-triots” for all my Lil’Rhody neighbors, but at $1,801.00 (!) a pop I think I’ll just keep quietly* mocking them for free.
*Quietly, because it’s not like Stillers fans have anything to brag about after last year.
/orders onesie/ giggles like a school girl
Yes, Simmons, because obviously U2 sang “Beautiful Day” not as a tribute to the dead of 9/11, but to make sure you have a memory to jack off too.
I emailed Simmons on his Post Superbowl wrapup, but since he won’t publish criticism, you all will never see it. However, I asked him about his lucky Wes Welker jersey. That I think is even bigger d*uchebaggery. His team is on the way to winning their 3rd Superbowl championship and his lucky jersey is that of a guy who just signed with them this year? I told him he sounded like a bandwagon, and obviously didn’t bring the right clothes to will the Patriots* to a win.I didn’t even touch his comments about Brady’s foot, when Plax has been playing on an injured ankle all season.
So who feels worse today? Tikki “I Quit in the Middle of the Season/Eli’s not a Leader” Barber? Jeremy “I can’t believe they won the Super Bowl without me” Shockey? or Brady?
I think its a toss up between all three. I myself haven’t liked Tiki since last season. I always was a fan of Shockey because I thought that he always brought 100% to each game- but watching our tight end sitting in a luxury box instead of on the sidelines with his teammates was just embarrassing.As for Brady- I love that we pissed in his cornflakes. he will never forgot what we did to his dream season. Makes that damn Stetson ad in last week’s issue of SI all the more worth it.
Why make up shirts to commemorate this fine occasion. There is a wholewarehouse full of Patriot 19-0 world championship paraphernalia out there.
Memo to Roger: Yo dude. Put this stuff on E-bay. You’ll make soo muchmoney, you’ll be able to show a couple of free games next season.
Interesting article. Have you heard about the bird? har har har