What’s A Fitting Punishment For The Last Place Finisher In Your Fantasy League?

12.04.13 4 years ago 163 Comments

We’ve reached week 14 of the NFL’s regular season, which is when the playoffs begin most fantasy football leagues. That means you’re either A) losing sleep scouting the waiver wire and/or praying Peyton Manning remains capable of standing upright or B) pissed at yourself for investing so much time and money into something so stupid. Again.

If you fall into the latter (Hi, my name’s Old James, and I also thought David Wilson was a good early round pick) then you’re probably worried about finishing last in your league. And you should be.

I don’t know whether it’s “The League” and their Sacko trophy that’s to blame for this, or just a generation focusing their creative energy on the absurd, but fantasy football punishments have come a long way since “loser has to be the commissioner next year”.

For instance:


That’s crazy. And brilliant.

So with that in mind, here are a few more possibilities I came up with for the loser in your life:

  • Get a job at a fast food joint and work at least one shift.(An actual award for a league according to our own Trevor Risk)
  • Adopt and keep a pet ferret for one year.
  • Attend a screening of Frozen dressed as Santa.
  • Transcribe an entire NFL playoff game announced by Phil Simms. By hand. On Big Chief tablet.
  • Post a selfie from inside a One Direction concert.
  • Attain level three status in the LARP group of your choice.
  • Try out for “American Idol”.
  • Eat three Taco Bell bean burritos for breakfast every day for a month.
  • Every league member gets to paint an interior wall of your domicile a color of their choice. Stays that way for a month.
  • Respond to a missed connection on Craigslist.
  • Every league member gets to pick an outfit for you to wear during a holiday portrait session at Sears.
  • Must wear and use an adult diaper during next year’s draft.
  • League votes on your new personalized license plate for the next year.
  • League votes on your new email signature for the next year.
  • League votes on your new legal first name for the next year.
  • Spend 24 straight hours inside a Wal-Mart.
  • Attend an entire yoga class in jean shorts.
  • Perform a spirited rendition of “All I Want For Christmas Is You” at a city council meeting.
  • Create and update a “Matlock” fan blog every week for a year.
  • Become a Jaguars fan.

Have better ideas? I know you do Kommenters. Let’s hear ’em.

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