So far this season I’ve remained true to my word to not return to FedEx Field until I am left with no other choice, and so far all I’ve missed out on is shitty alcohol, poorly grilled meat, a crowd filled with social assholes who’d rather yuk it up than agonize over the actual game, and the occasional dumb bitch trying to execute a running leg drop on an elevated table (sans opponent). Fortunately somebody taped the last one so I could relive it from my couch, where I’m also able to watch every minute of the game and post-game in high def surrounded by excellent alcohol and perfectly cooked meats delivered to my door. And all without driving to Landover and sitting in a parking lot for two hours next to these retards.
That’s just stunningly poor execution right there. Hell, even if you achieve the desired outcome you’re still landing ass first on the blacktop with a six-inch shard of particle board lodged in your downstairs. No, these ladies simply don’t understand the fundamentals of a proper table match. Continue after the jump for a quick historical lesson on the art of hurling oneself through a piece of portable furniture.