Thanks to our pals Burnsy and Danger Guerrero over at Warming Glow, we have been alerted to the dangers of the Simpsons marathon — that’s all 552 episodes from all 25 seasons back to back to back over the course of 12 days — running on FXX later this month.
According to FXX and our colleagues, this marathon could very well destroy the very fabric of society.
But is it really that bad? I mean, how long is 12 days really — okay fine, it’s 12 days smartass — but when compared to other ways you can spend your free time, what do 288 hours mean compared to the rest of your life?
Well, as it turns out, the Simpsons marathon is about the same length as the NFL regular season, which clocks in at approximately 286.5 hours.
How did I come up with that number and the data in this handy spreadsheet? Let me walk you through it.
If you watch an entire football season (obviously not every game but anytime there is football on, you watch it), and estimating a three hour game for each time slot (last season Aaron Gordon at Sports on Earth worked out that the average length of an NFL game is approximately 3:10), we can estimate how much time we’re spending watching football this season. Deciding the usual Sunday lineup is a 10.5 hour block to account for OT and such, we can fill the usual 30-45 minutes between the end of the late games and the Sunday night game and look at most Sundays as one number. Over the course of the season, this also makes up for the 10 minutes I’m lopping off the average running time. Going through the schedule week by week and accounting for scheduling variances (Hello 9:30/6:30 AM ET/PT London game in Week 8!), we can roughly approximate watching the regular season will take 286.5 hours of your time. I’m probably even a smidge low in my estimation since I said Monday, Thursday and Sunday night games are 3 hours in this formula and prime time games tend to run longer, but again, I think those minutes are made up in declaring Sundays one big block.
In the end, it’s pretty much a dead heat between watching the Simpsons marathon or the NFL regular season time wise. Add in the playoffs and the NFL takes up much more of your life than watching the Simpsons marathon, roughly 34 more hours, and that’s just one season. (Let’s pause here for a second and decide as a group we will not discuss “better things to do with our time” as life is short and the universe has a dark sense of humor.)
Which of course leads to the question, which would you rather do? Watch the Simpsons marathon or the NFL season?
As Big Sandy put it when offered the choice, “Oh man, I don’t know. On the flipside, you have Early Simpsons which is like watching Saints vs Patriots, Broncos vs Packers, etc. but then you have the later seasons which is like a 10-15 year stretch of Browns vs Jags.”
It’s quite the Selma’s Choice.
(H/T to Aaron Gordon for looking over my numbers and telling me I wasn’t far off looking at his calculations.)