Perhaps the greatest of Monday Night White traditions in America besides showing up to work hungover on Tuesday is enjoying a little Hank Williams Jr and a classical narration of the weeks last (or first when you think about it) football game. Over the years we’ve had legends in the booth as our dads and problem child nephews fall asleep during the 3rd quarter, here are just a few of the Great White Voices from the years:
Frank Gifford- When you had Al Michaels and Frank in the booth that was truly the golden age of MNF especially that since they drank so much during the broadcasts theyd both end up peeing themselves,, people forget the jackets they wore were white during season 1 people forget that.
Al: “That Yellow Line is not official”
Police Officer at checkpoint: “Actually yes it is and your going to jail”
Joe Theismann- With a mega personality like Joe up there in the booth he was just waiting to emerge on his own like his fibula. Sometimes it seemed like Joe had a harder time trying to formulate a unique thought then he did a 10 second urination but when you have that much knowledge in your head sometimes its hard to get it out,, thats why Einstein literally couldnt tie his own shoes and also why George W Bush did some of his things too.
John Madden- A 6-legged turkey is what I call the panthers Newton Williams and Stewart backfield but its also a Thanksgiving tradition for Madden. I miss how if a white player won the turducken hed know exactly how to attack that thing like it was in his blood from the years of his ancestors watching Madden on Thanksgivings.
Ron Jaworski- “The Polish Cannon” is such a great nickname compared to Farves “The Lambeau Letteropener” and ol Chuckles Jaworski never ran out of ammo up there. May be its just me but does anyone else have a hardtime believing that old nerd Jaws was able to survive living in a NFL lockeroom all those years. If Im walking through the halls at ESPN the first two letters Id use to describe Jaws wouldnt be QB theyd be AV w/ the glasses and spending all that time watching movies without a date.
Gruden- Im not Gay (Ive been consistent on this) but theres something so baller about tuning in to the MNF opening segment and seeing Gruden sitting split-legged with his crotch just evident as can be. His balls are filled with gamefilm and fireants, so its a symbolism that lets you know what kind of football game your in for with two teams that really dont like each other meeting at midfield shovin around for room on the 50 yd line.
Dennis Miller- I totally get the concept of putting a standup comedian in the booth to just kind of cut-up out there but I couldnt understand a single joke- I guess they called him a standup comedian because it made me get out of my chair to leave the room everytime he opened his mouth. If they really wanted a comedian in the booth lets get Larry the Cable Guy up there with Gruden you talk about appointment TV folks.
“RG3 folks,, lemme tell ya lawdamercy that critters got them dread-locks yessir i aint seen dread-locks like that since mah syster walked outside without er britches my goodness”
“Mah Syster she got them cock-a-roaches yessir, she got dem suckers jus everywhere round er house, she called them fume-gators up,,they jus sent Santonio Homes over an had him take his helmet off”
“Hey Jon you ever go down on the field there? I brought mah dadburn lawnmower out there an tried to cut that grass for ’em but Mark Sanchez did it fer twice as cheap lord i apologize thats funny right there”
Theres not a average joe in the world who wouldnt tune in for that just a suggestion ESPN you know where to send my check.
In conclusion, we only have 1 day left in White History Month Ive just had a blast how bout you? Tomorrow will be the thrilling conclusion I have something special planned for you all. God Bless.