Why I Am FJMing Dan Snyder

04.26.11 7 years ago 37 Comments

Because I can.

Dan Snyder wrote an op-ed for his most favoritest paper in town, the Washington Post. It’s a fun update on his lawsuit against Washington City Paper, the local alt-weekly that nobody paid attention to until three months ago. It’s dumb.

I expect to be criticized once again for pursuing this lawsuit. I originally filed it for one reason:

[image of below average male genitalia]

The paper refused to issue an apology and retract false and damaging attacks on my integrity.

Oh come on, that’s satire.

If it had done so, there would have been no lawsuit.

Okay, I’m sorry. Just don’t tell Jarret and Brian. Talib mentioned them on Gutter Rainbows. That’s crazy!

For more than eight months, the same writer at this tabloid blogged or wrote about me.

Are you not impressed with my newsworthiness?

The reporters of The Post and other papers know that my communications adviser, Tony Wyllie, is available 24-7 to respond to questions about me and the Washington Redskins.

So enamored with Vinny Cerrato was Snyder that he replaced his former sidekick with two men, Wyllie and GM Bruce Allen. Wyllie appears to be the right-hand man and future reluctant radio show host, while Allen is the franchise’s mouthpiece and eventual fall-guy.

This writer, however, chose not to call to check the facts before he wrote an article last November that contained so many false assertions.

Of which Snyder rebuts exactly one. Sort of.

I am the son of a University of Missouri School of Journalism graduate whose professional pedigree includes working at United Press International and National Geographic.

Journalism courses through his veins. His plasma is rich in both platelets and integrity.

I am not thin-skinned about personal criticism.

I consider myself very fortunate to own the Redskins.


I have never sued people who publish critical opinions of me, nor have I previously sued any news organization.

If you can’t sue ’em, buy ’em.

I understand the anger people feel toward me when the Redskins have a losing season or when we sign a veteran player who does not meet expectations.

Or when we forbid you to bring signs in to the hellscape that is our stadium. Or when we go in to the draft with holes at all but two positions without third or fourth round draft picks.

Seriously, how does this keep happening? People are starting to ask questions.

1. Not enough.
2. Who cares? Most of the good players are staying in school because you’re a selfish asshole, Harrison Barnes.
3. So many.

I have been a Redskins fan all my life, and I get angry, too, including at myself.

He has the scars on his inner thigh to show for it.

I am the first to admit that I’ve made mistakes as an owner.

Technically speaking you’re more like #2,498,074.

I hope I’ve learned from them.

And yet, this lawsuit.

All I want is for the Redskins to win!

Snyder’s exclamation marks are like creepy smiles.

I honor vigorous free expression in the media.

Pre-approved free expression, preferably.

But even a public figure can sue for defamation when a tabloid paper publishes a harmful assertion of a fact, not an opinion, that it knows to be false or recklessly disregards the truth.

I hope Dan Snyder’s lawyer’s dad went to a really good law school, because proving what Dave McKenna knew to be false is going to be a tough motherfucker.

[…nonsense that will be bandied about in court]

Let’s be clear what this lawsuit is not about.

The high road.

It is not about money.

/rubs thumb on forefinger

I have already publicly committed to donate any financial damages I win to help the homeless.

Free Johnny Rockets for all of you! You’re already loitering outside, you may as well come in and make us look busy.

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