Just an update: Peyton Manning is officially doubtful for Sunday. Also, HIS NECK IS BROKEN AND HE’S NEVER PLAYING FOR INDY EVER AGAIN HAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT FAT HUMPS IT’S THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF YOUR GRAVY TRAIN.
These are the end times. There will be mass suicides in Humpland.
The metaphorical gravy train, that is. The Fat Hump Gravy Train Special is still available for eat-in or drive-thru.
Also in convenient IV for those who can’t make it to the car.
I demand to know how Derek From Muncie is dealing with this. He’s probably out buying an XXXXL Colts Sweatervest.
Pfft. If they haven’t already succumbed to the cruel, Kafaka-esque joke that represents “living” in Indiana, this won’t do it. They’ll just chalk this up as yet one more disappointment in a never-ending string of failures, miseries and humiliations that are the lot of all the subhuman pigmen littering that nightmarish hellscape.
god, first Lil Sebastian, now this. tough year for Indiana.
Is this a susbtitute for the weekly PK conditional, possible, realm of probability, may be breakdown?
But is that a legit MAYBE?
You had to know holding up that giant head was bound to destroy his neck sooner or later. Maybe he can get a neck transplant from one of the fat-humps, they all have like 5 or 6 necks each.
In front of a plate of corn, if I had to hazard a guess.
Wow, I just read Peter King’s MMQ, and it is seriously becoming difficult to separate his actual column from your spoof on it.
It is fucking unreal how banal he is.
I can’t tell you how disappointed I was to see his NFL season predictions – total wins 256, total losses 256. Occasionally his editors do earn their money.
This just in: More evidence of the end of the world. Rex Grossman starting for the ‘Skins. Yee-haw, the Sex Cannon fires again.
Let the fat humps gorge themselves to death on Crisco and tears. Pey Pey can no longer play play.
I liked the bit where PK whined that coffee on the “expensive Acela” isn’t as good as 7-11 coffee. Oh noes, the poor people get better coffee than we fat cats! Alert the media! Call out the National Guard!
I liked his fantasy advice to Papelbon. Yeah those are some quality picks. Especially Fitzpatrick.
I liked the part where he told us MR means (not, could mean, but actually does mean) “mentally prepared.” Or “mentally retarded”, or “massive rickshaw”. Whatever.
/damns it all to hell, err, “mentally ready”.
As a fan of the Fat Humps’ team, I’d like to punch you all in the cock right now.
Apparently his neck can’t support the Manning fetus head no more
BUT DOUBTFUL DOESN’T MEAN WON’T PLAY GEAR UP FOR 14-2 GO COLTS BABYYYYYYY
The Colt’s fan base is going to be extremely depressed about this. I hope they don’t start overeating because of it.
If Manning is out though, is it really fair they go from Manning to Luck.
Holy shit, I hadn’t thought of that.
Oh hell, No worries, PK has the Bungles going 3-13. It’s in the bag!
Oh and fuck the Bungles.
MonkeyBusiness is busy consoling BigBlueShoe with a trough of fried chicken gravy.
This marks the beggining of the Favre transformaation for Peyton Manning.
With Favre, it was about retirement as well as streaks. Soon enough Manning will reach that stage.
The question is, will the backbreaking pick 6’s to seal off playoff losses follow? Now mind you, Manning has his share of hilarious implosions in the playoffs, and he did threw that one against the Saints…
What do you know? Manning already is Favre! The transition came in even more seamingless than antecipated!
Buffalo and Cincy for the Luck derby.
The Wu-Tang Clan has been telling everyone to protect their necks for years now.
If Indianapolis hadn’t outlawed “Negro music” all those years ago, they might have heard the warning in time.
Alright y’all, thread’s closed, Otto Man wins.
Yeah, but you know who IS starting?
Sexy Rexy Grossman.
Lock up your daughters because
Humps are in a win-win situation: either (1) Fetushead comes back in a few games, rattles off 9 or 10 wins in a row, we make the playoffs and roll the dice or (2) the Colts are in the Luck sweepstakes. Ape, Drew and the rest of you Hump hating cum stains are SOL.
/sigh. I could give a shit about Indy, but good QB play makes good football. Injuries to starters make it sucky for everyone.
I wonder… If they limited “Fat Hump” posts to people who aren’t overweight themselves, would there be anyone left to crack jokes here?
It’s OK – the Manning family has already spoken with Cooper about donating his neck to his more Talented Sibling. After all, that’s why he was cloned in the first place.
Well, we’re about to get a whole lot of answers to a whole bunch of hypotheticals.
– What would the Colts look like without Manning? My guess: 6-10, tops.
– Who means more to their team: Tom Brady or Peyton Manning? The Pats went 11-5 with Brady out for the season. The Colts could be out of playoff contention by week 10 if they drop all three divisional games, and at that point they might as well tank for Andrew Luck.
– How am I coping? The four B’s: blunts, broads, booze, and biscuits and gravy.
This news is more delicious than a 3000 calorie dinner at Steak n’ Shake!
Bernard Pollard got a nice career bump out of kneecapping Brady… Corey Wooten enjoyed fifteen seconds of fame when he mercifully ended Favre’s streak by bouncing his old, old head against the frozen turf in Minnesota last year… when can we expect KSK or the Deadspin I-team to uncover who laid the smack on Manning that caused his neck injury? The initial injury appears to have occurred in Week One of the 2010 season against the Texans. Someone call Ron Jaworski and get him sifting through that game tape! America needs a hero, dammit.
Manning being out for the season isn’t going to answer any questions about his value compared to Brady’s. First of all there are too many variables, and even if there weren’t the math in your prediction makes the argument for Brady.
2007 Pats: 16 wins
2008 Pats: 11 wins, -5 wins
2010 Colts: 10 wins
2011 Colts: 6 wins (predicted) -4 wins
So as much as Colts fans love to say “Manning is more important because the Pats still won 11 games without Brady!” A drop-off of 5 wins is still huge. And I’d say Matt Cassel is worth 2 games over Kerry Collins, so even a 4-12 finish without Manning wouldn’t prove anything.
How legit of a maybe are we dealing with? Mort gave him 3/4 of a “probably” but anything he says is really about 5.2/6 of a nugget…carrying the one, I think we can classify the probability of a return before week 4 at, “good, but not quite as citrusy as ShockTop.”
Because as a place to recover from injuries, the neck is more difficult of.
My prediction: 1) Three games without Manning. 2) 40,329 more galloons of gravy consumed during the first three weeks of the season (no number available on cheese curds).
P.S. @Tracer Bullet: +1