Darrelle Revis is out, as are James Harrison and Troy Polamalu. Joe McKnight will likely be enlisted to play cornerback for at least some of this game, so what was at one point billed as a defensive standoff will instead be a shootout between offenses that try to avoid getting into shootouts. Nevertheless, Mark Sanchez (now trading underage girls for past their prime actresses) and THE BEN should still find creative ways to turn the ball over as the announcers drone on about Tebow for three hours. I’ll almost take another blowout win for the Jets so they won’t even be tempted to use him.
Elsewhere, RGIII looks to continue stoking the already absurd hopes of ‘Skins fans with a second impressive performance. In his way will be a bunch of fake Jeff Fisher mustaches, as St. Louis attempts to break a world record for most baseball fans in one place wearing fake mustaches while pretending to care about football at the same time. Anyway, Professor Fistpumps sat down with the American Mustache Institute to discuss the obsession with his pushbroom.
Also, Tony Romo returns to the site of his biggest boner of all time, as adduced and dreamt about by Bill Simmons, who we were unaware was a Romosexual, but if he wants to broaden his horizons beyond Brady fluffing, that’s his prerogative.
Your late game slate:
Jets at Steelers ***
Cowboys at Seahawks ***
Redskins at Rams **
Titans at Chargers **
Ryan Williams leasted all over the bed, but the Patriots should have lost and their fans were leaving with two minutes left, which won’t stop Simmons from claiming they willed New England to victory.
Gostkowski Cundiff’d it! SPLOOOOOOOOOOOGE!
THE BEN GOT BAD TOUCH IN NO-NO SPOT! ONLY FUN WHEN THE BEN GIVE BAD TOUCH!
BombGriff! Even better for the absence of asinine memes.
Rex Ryan is no longer a jolly fat person. Rex grimaces. Hard.
Antonio Garay has a pretty awesome tribute to Junior Seau. Garay, of course, is no stranger to elaborate hair designs.