Today (Friday!) between 10am and 2pm, Dunkin’ Donuts is offering free samples of their new frozen coffee drink. They hope the drink will be your summer go-to and are willing to give it away for free to hook you. But the big news is that the frozen coffee replaces the Coolatta. The Coolatta (which is some sort of red-eyed soul taking demon coffee filled with mounds of sugar) is being retired for the (slightly) less sugar-rich frozen coffee. Dunkin’ execs said they’re retiring the Coolatta because it wasn’t up to the brand’s standards. Which is confusing because it seems like their standard should be a donut in a cup, but…. what do we know?
People are very upset that the Coolatta is going away. It seems to have defined many a high school kid’s life. So people are nostalgically devastated. To be honest, fans of the Coolatta seem more upset at Dunkin’ Donuts than people were at United after they assaulted a customer. So…maybe chill on this.
Sad, despondent tweets are filling up twitter, and we can’t blame them. No one wants their nearly 1000 cal coffee drink cancelled. There’s nothing worse than falling in food love only to have it cruelly ripped away. So we mourn the Coolatta along with the rest of the nation. May you find peace in a heaven filled with Crystal Pepsi and KFC’s popcorn chicken. RIP, brother, Rest in peace.