Fizzy Milk Is The New Food Fad That Literally No One Asked For

You know that feeling, you sit down after a long day, put your feet up, and chug some milk. Wiping the back of your hand across your mouth to erase your milk mustache, you think “Gee, I wish this was carbonated.” No. No one has ever done that. But, UK dairy company Arla doesn’t care because they are launching a “sparkling fruit and milk” drink in the UK, Singapore, and the UAE before they foist it on the rest of the globe. God as their witness, you will like fizzy milk.

Dairy companies the world over are scrambling for ways to maintain a place of prominence in the market because alternatives like soy milk and nut milks are asserting themselves. According to Grocer magazine, between 2014 and 2015, the sales of milk fell by roughly £240m which is also a hell of a lot of dollars. Dairy farmers are not feeling confident, but Arla, a company owned by 12,500 farmers, seems unfazed. They have promised to triple their profit from milk based drinks by 2020. Hopefully, they have something else planned, because fizzy fruit milk is questionable.

Arla clearly doesn’t remember Coca-Cola’s Vio. Time magazine literally named it one of the top 10 worst beverage ideas and one of the 50 worst inventions. But, the company called it a “vibrancy drink” so they were asking for Vio to get its ass kicked on the playground. When a copywriter for Coca-Cola tells you a drink tastes “like a birthday party for a polar bear,” they don’t have anything nice to actually say about the taste. Vio didn’t make it long, though the brand still exists in India. Asia and the Middle East are more open to carbonated dairy.

But, maybe Arla’s efforts will change the face of milk consumption in the UK. Could happen. Though, based on Twitter, it won’t.

https://twitter.com/JonnyLongy/status/912057105296785408

h/t The Telegraph