Ring the shame bell! Deck the halls! The holidays are here! For certain people — some of whom write for this website — Game of Thrones is more than just a show (“it’s not TV…”), it’s a lifestyle. And while those people will have to wait until April to find out if Jon Snow is warging it up, they can at least celebrate their fandom with these toys and gifts at Christmas.
And really, what good is a TV show if it can’t be merchandised? Oh, don’t worry — we’re not that jaded. Some of these items are actually pretty cool.
Direwolf Plush Pups, $19.99
It’s been suggested that these pups make great companions while reading and/or watching the series. Because nothing is as comforting as a direwolf, right? Right. (Sob.) Choose your favorite and cling to it every time your favorite characters get killed off.
Sigil Nail Decals, $4.00
If you dig showing off your allegiance to your favorite house and also dig manicured nails, these decals are for you. If your allegiance is mixed (or you’re still early into the series and can’t decide who you hate the least), get the sheet with all the houses on it.
Ice and Longclaw Letter Openers, $24.99
Valerian steel is obviously essential when faced with the task of cutting through paper. The best part about these swords is that they never need sharpening…because they’re letter openers.
Hopefully these can keep you happy until the day the Postal Service finally starts employing ravens.
“I’m Telling Mother” Keychain, $10
Time to make yourself the most unpopular person in your friend group! At the very least, this keychain with a quote from everybody’s favorite psychopathic prince will be a great conversation starter.
(Also, obligatory Joffrey death scene here.)
White Walker Ornament, $4.99
This will look great hanging from the branch of your Christmas tree (or Festivus pole). Not only will it remind you that winter is coming, it will also remind you that we don’t actually live in Westeros, and that April will definitely arrive sooner or later! However, the fact that dude isn’t in “Come at me Snow” pose feels like a big miss.
Game of Thrones Character Ornaments, $7.50 each or $50 for all eight
Or, if you’d rather not overwhelm the tree with GoT, display a different character every year. (Me, I’d go with Hodor. Always lead with Hodor.) Maybe, by the time you get through these eight years, the next book will be out (zing!).
Speaking of Hodor, maybe you’ve officially thrown up your hands in frustration at the political theater happening in our very own country these days. Display your vote with this little button. “Mr. Hodor, what do you have to offer that your fellow candidates don’t?” “Hodor.” Nailed it. #hodorforpresident.
House Name Coasters, Set of Nine, from $26.95
Start a heated debate over drinks! Drinks that you rest on these guys, which come in a variety of wood options. Party game! Each person has to argue for the house whose coaster they’re using. No choosing coasters, either. Just…make sure you put an end to it before things get bloody.
(TULLY FOR LIFE!)
House Name Etched Shot Glasses, $41.95 for six
Another way to get a Game of Thrones themed party game started — choose from 13 houses, or even the Night’s Watch! (And if you don’t have five friends, because you’re staying inside to watch HBO all day, they also come in a set of four for $32.95.)
Game of Thrones-Inspired Playing Cards, $25
The art in these is absolutely gorgeous, number one. Which is really reason enough to buy the cards. They’re fun! You can play War with your 8-year-old niece and actually pretend you’re in the thick of it!
Personalized Night Watch Hip Flask, from $15.99
The Night Watch is certainly no fun, but at least it can be made better with this hip flask. Plus, you can personalize it with your name (er…the name of the person you’re giving it to…) and really feel like you’re one of Jon Snow’s compatriots.
Custom House Undies, $13.50
George R.R. Martin wanted to bring realistic death, sh*tting, and sex to the fantasy genre. You can wear these undies in the lead-up to all three.
Dothraki Love Bracelets, $23.99
Sure, you and your sweetheart could get any number of items — from rings to bracelets to necklaces to keychains, to declare your mutual love for one another. But can you actually get them in Dothraki? (Second most romantic language to French.)
This set of bracelets will take your commitment to the next level. (The level after that: learning Dothraki together. Maybe next year.)
BONUS: Game of Thrones Stocking, $4.99
Why not just go all the way and buy yourself this stocking for all the loot you’ve picked up? It’s the next logical step.
Why save money, anyway? All men must die.
