Today In Predictable News: Homeopaths Trip Balls At Medical Convention

"I give these drugs zwei thumbs up!"
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"I give these drugs zwei thumbs up!"

Burning Man ended yesterday, but it turns out the real party was in Handeloh, Germany all along. Last Friday, dozens of attendees at a conference on homeopathic medicine overdosed on Aquarust (a drug with effects similar to LSD) that left them “staggering around, rolling in a meadow, talking gibberish and suffering severe cramps.” And while all of this sounds indistinguishable from what one might imagine happens at every homeopathy convention ever, the authorities were still called in to help handle the situation.

Police footage of the aftermath is currently unavailable, but a forensic recreation of the event was made available. In a moment of brilliant irony, the tripping-their-balls-off alternative medicine practitioners were rushed to traditional hospitals full of traditional doctors rather than being treated like this:

It remains unclear if the attendees took the Aquarust as a “drug experiment,” a mean-spirited prank, or simply because ingesting Belushian quantities of mind-altering substances is the only reasonable response to having to attend a homeopathy convention, but the Association of German Healing Practitioners were quick to distance themselves from the embarrassment:

Unfortunately, the conference in Handeloh has severely damaged the image of the alternative medicine profession…and we have clarified that such acts are not in the spirit of natural therapy, and contradict our values both morally and legally. (via The Independent)

In response, the recovering homeopaths released a joint statement from their hospital in Hamburg, urging “caution in rushing to judgment,” the need for a “thorough investigation into doping allegations,” along with a strong desire for the walls to stop melting.

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