After failing her food stamp challenge last year, Gwyneth Paltrow is wisely back to keeping things close to home — you know, questionably edible skincare and vagina steams and the like. Which is good! Stick to what you know! And what does Gwyneth Paltrow know more about than ridiculous smoothies, like this one she recently shared the recipe for on her Goop website.
GP’s Morning “Smoothie” boasts an ingredient list of everyday items you might find in your cupboard like almond milk, almond butter, coconut oil, uhhh, vanilla mushroom protein powder, maca, something called ashwagandha, another thing called ho shou wu, cordyceps, your choice of “moon dust*,” and a pinch of both Himalayan sea salt and vanilla powder. Normal ingredients!
According to the website, Gwyneth drinks one of these smoothies every morning, “whether or not she’s detoxing,” and you can tailor them using different kinds of moon dusts based on what kind of day you’re having. Which means that above everything else, they’re versatile too.
“But just how much is this going to set me back?” you may be asking yourself. Excellent question, and lucky for you The Daily Mail helpfully broke down the cost of all of the ingredients.
Almond Breeze almond milk $2.15 (£1.50)
Meridian Almond Butter $5.30 (£3.69) Express supplements
Coconut Oil $5.74 (£4) Tesco
Vanilla mushroom protein powder $35 (£24.38) Moon Juice
Maca $25 (£17.42) Moon Juice
Ashwagandha $17 (£11) Moon Juice
Ho shou wu $18 (£12.54) Moon Juice
Cordyceps $35 (£24.38) Moon Juice
Moon Dust -various $55-$65 (£38-£45)
Himalayan sea salt $4.40 (£3) Tesco
Vanilla Powder $8.30 (£5.79) Ocado
So depending on what kind of Moon Dust you decide on, the base ingredients for the recipe alone total $210 to $220. Or say, one month’s Comcast bill. And when it comes down to it, what’s really important here: keeping on top of Game of Thrones or staying as well preserved as Gwyneth Paltrow? (Answer: Thrones, OBVIOUSLY, Paltrow can go screw — and thankfully they make a Moon Dust for that.)
* From what we can tell, Moon Dust is not actually made with dust that comes from the moon, but a mix of the artificial sweetener Stevia and some other random ingredients, depending on what option you choose on the Moon Juice website. So you’ll have to wait a little bit longer to actually infuse your breakfast with legitimate toxins from the moon. Sorry about that.