The Holiday Cookie Power Rankings

12.14.16 7 months ago 7 Comments

Uproxx

Some people might tell you that power rankings are only for sports. Well, those people are fools. They don‘t know how grueling a day of baking can be. Dough flying every which way, sugar and cinnamon in your eyes, and flour covering you from head to toe. If anything deserves power rankings, it’s cookies. And not just any cookies: holiday cookies.

We aren’t ranking Oreos and Nutterbutters today, friends. No Girl Scout Cookies here. These are the power rankings for the cookies your grandma used to make and you poorly attempt to imitate each and every holiday season. These are the crunchy, chocolaty, peanut butter filled treats that warm our bellies and our hearts. The cookies that spark a thousand New Year’s resolutions.

You’ll probably disagree with me or insist that I left some of your favorites off the list, but you have to know that this task wasn’t taken lightly. It was based years and years of rigorous training. Decades of hard, delicious work. In short: All my answers are 100% correct; if you want to debate, I will fight you.

THE FATALLY FLAWED

12.) Molasses Cookies

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I hate to rank any cookies low, but — even though they’re a holiday mainstay — molasses cookies just don’t have what it takes to be at the top of the list. They are delicious, but they are as one-dimensional as a painting of a cookie. Obviously, the main ingredient is the aforementioned molasses. For fans of this goop made from sugarcane, this is your dream come true.

I just prefer my molasses to be used to make rum.

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