DISCOVERY: Real-Life Bears Significantly More Murdery Than Cartoon Bears

09.04.15 2 years ago 17 Comments
"Howdy neighbor, would you mind if I borrowed a picnic basket?"

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"Howdy neighbor, would you mind if I borrowed a picnic basket? No? Okay, I'll just eat your face then."

A Russian town is learning that hungry bears stealing food is much less fun than Hanna Barbera would have us believe. For the past month, hungry bears have been invading the Russian town of Luchegorsk in search of food. And while any bear can be a little dickish when hungry (no matter how much they look like they want to be hugged), starving Russian bears are especially awful. How awful? If you are insatiably curious you can watch a video of a guy in Luchegorsk getting mauled. Or don’t watch it. Of all the available options, I think not watching a guy get mauled by a bear is definitely the best.

The guy survived (because he’s Russian) and so far there have been no fatalities from the bear invasion, but things don’t appear to be getting better, either. According to an interview with Vladimir Vasilyev, head of the region’s animal control department (via The Guardian’s article on the infestation), decreased yields of food in their natural habitat will ensure that more bears are on the way:

We predict that failing to find food in the taiga [boreal forest], bears will come to where people live more and more.

Luchegorsk police are shooting their guns in the air and blaring their sirens to scare off the bears (and it works), but until eccentric Troy Hurtibise’s bear-proof suit becomes a reality…

Citizens of Luchegorsk should stay indoors for their safety, or better yet, move somewhere that isn’t infested with bears. According to the most recent statistics, approximately every other city on earth is not currently experiencing a bear infestation.

And, since this is an article about Russia and bears, I am journalistically obligated to link to this Russian version of Winnie the Pooh. Few things are made better by communism, but Winnie the Pooh is definitely one of them.

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