There are several important reasons why I spent the better part of the morning photoshopping Wilford Brimley’s face onto a sexy vampire’s body.
1. Because this should exist.
2. Because it will also be used in groundbreaking and erotically haunting fan fiction that cannot be discussed further due to pending litigation from Stephanie Meyer, Temple Hill Entertainment, and the Brimley estate.
And (arguably) most importantly:
3. A diabetes medication may soon let Wilfred and other (lesser) humans live as long as vampires.
Metformin, a drug designed to regulate blood sugar levels in diabetics, appears to have an amazing side effect: it prolongs life. For years, scientists have studied the life-prolonging effects of metformin, from a Belgian study that proved the drug extended the lives of roundworms, as well as a British study that showed a 20 percent increase in mice lifespans after metformin treatment.