If there’s one stereotype we can hold to be true, it’s that straight dudes tend to be exceptionally fragile when it comes to their masculinity and sexuality. You can chalk it up to DNA or schoolyard bullying, or perhaps a little of both, but it’s the reason why people find comedies like I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry so gosh darn hilarious — because, get it? They’re not really gay. LOL!
But even the most virile, red-blooded, P-in-the-V intercourse enjoying man probably has a skeleton buried in his closet somewhere, such was the subject of a recent Ask Reddit thread: “Straight men, what’s the gayest thing you’ve ever done with another guy?” In this anonymous, safe space, straight men were finally able to divulge some of their deepest, darkest secrets, and as you can imagine this heads into NSFW territory real fast. We’ll start with this fairly innocuous one from Brightsidesuicide, however, who reveals how he accidentally went on a date with another man one time.
I made a really big sale at my job and the entire company was really excited about it. A new hire was a guy that was 10-15 years older than me and he asked if I wanted to grab a steak to celebrate. He was a cool guy so I said sure. We had fun at dinner and he insisted on picking up the whole tab. He was talking about how he just moved to town for the job and didn’t know anyone else so I thought I’d be nice and ask if he wanted to see movie or something so we did and I bought the tickets and sodas. After the movie we went our separate ways and the following Monday one of my buddies came into my office and shut the door and started laughing at me. Apparently the new guy was gay and I didn’t pick up on the fact that he thought we were on a date. This was almost 20 years ago in the Midwest. People were still pissed at Ellen for kissing a woman on TV. I felt bad about it for leading that guy on but it didn’t affect our work relationship. We kept hanging out after and it was never awkward. He did bring it up when he moved to a different city and thought it was funny how oblivious I was to the whole thing. He said it was refreshing. As far as I know that was the only gay date I have been on.
Sonofarex confesses the time he faked it to save a friend from a certain beating:
I made out with my friend in a bar. He was belligerent drunk and talking to some girl and her boyfriend came up with much offense taken. Thinking quick, he said “no it’s cool I’m gay” and grabbed me as I was walking by and stuck his tongue in my mouth.
Terrible god damn kisser but I haven’t paid for a beer around him in years
Veering into that NSFW territory, the aptly named Schlong_Princess remembers an awkward moment between friends.
Jerked off with a friend.
It was in high school. I was spending the night at my friend’s house. It was a sweltering summer night, so my friend and I were in just our boxers, hanging out in his back house.
Porn somehow comes on TV (I can’t remember if he put it in a DVD or what). We’re just talking about the girls and next thing I know my friend is obviously hard and rubbing himself. I start to do it too. In a matter of minutes we’re both jerking off on the couch next to each other. He cums really fast and I immediately feel awkward. I finally end up cumming…into a sock. It was weird because we just acted like nothing happened. He turned off the porn and we started playing Mario Kart. Never talked about it again and we were friends for years.
It seems like this sort of thing isn’t all that uncommon based on this reveal from AC-Stark, especially given that the first comment is “Oh yeah for sure. Jack off party. Right on.”
In middle school me and a group of friends used to put porn on the TV and jerk off with each of us in different chairs in the living room. We never really looked at each other or talked about it to much.
There are just no words for this amazing story from 1quick69:
One time in high school me and a buddy were swimming in my pool and for reasons unknown my buddy floated on his back, stuck only his dick out of the water and made the jaws duh-nuh noise repeatedly. So I did the same for a good ten minutes. My mother looked out the window to check on us and saw us both dicks in the air. That was a weird conversation with her later that day.
We’ll finish off with this sad, sad tale of masturbation from FrozeNightmares, who was able to get the job done in the end.
A while back I was in Iraq, and as deployments go, it wasn’t too bad. It’s just I was 19 and horny as shit. After a few months it was getting to the point where I couldn’t contain it anymore. I went into one of the nasty ass latrines to rub one off. If you’ve never been in a portajohn in Iraq in 120+degree weather trying to masturbate, you’re really not missing much. But so I’m choking my chicken and there’s a knock on the door saying hurry up. I yell back that I’m beating my meat like it owes me money and to leave me alone. I think that’s it until a few seconds later I hear…
“Hey guys, Docs Spanking his monkey in this shitter!”
About fifteen guys come over and start making sex noises, like the ones your friends make when your on the phone with your mom. It had been a while, so the sounds made me cum pretty quick. I came to fake sex noises made by about 15 adult males.
TL:dr Masturbated to the sound of 15 guys making fake sex noises in a shitter in Iraq.
(Via Reddit)
