Consider this true story: One day, many years ago, a young man was golfing by himself in a small Northern California town. Neither the boy nor the town were especially remarkable, and the golf course had more dead grass and living rattlesnakes than any golf course ought to have. But something happened on that day that would change the young man’s life forever. Because on that day, he confronted one of the most aggressive, territorial, and dickish creatures in creation: The Meleagris gallopavo.
That doesn’t directly translate into “winged asshole,” though it really should. It is the scientific name for the common wild turkey — popular filling for sandwiches, mascot for drunks, and subject of countless finger outline drawings.