As the best writer ever once said, “Ven wuv, twoo wuv, wiw fowwow you fowevah.” Indeed, love is the greatest thing in the world (it has to be, to compete with guilt-free sex with strangers). It deserves to be celebrated, and not with a coupon for a foot rub which will be lost in a drawer and never enjoyed. You need to step it up in 2017.
In order to help, we’re letting three writers share their favorite gifts with you and then bicker about whose gifts are better. It’s everything you need from a Valentine’s Day gift guide: scientific, rigorous, and featuring a recipe for awesome French fries.
If your significant other has always wanted a dog or cat, then what better gift than an awesome dog bed or cat tree? You’ll watch your partner’s expression morph from confusion to joy as you explain that you are taking them on a date to your local shelter to pick out the new love of your lives. I can’t imagine a more fun way to spend the holiday.
Later, you can snuggle up with your new buddy as you pick out a name. Of course, if you’re like me you might end up crying at the shelter for an hour because THEY’RE ALL SUCH GOOD BOYS. True Story: My husband refuses to go to animal shelters with me anymore because, “There’s just too much crying.”
Find a shelter in your area here!
Mark: This is actually a great idea, if it works! A few years ago, I really wanted a cat so I bought my husband all sorts of cat toys for Christmas hoping he’d get the hint. Then, I took him to PetSmart and showed him all the kittens up for adoption (they were from a local shelter) and suggested that one or two might like to come home with us and play with the aforementioned toys. Then, I bought him everything on his list because, dude, how is he going to say no to me when he literally asked for the Pusheen book and I got it for him?
You know what happened? Nothing. I didn’t get my cat. All I got was a lecture on “responsible spending” and how “washers and dryers don’t grow on trees.” Still no cat. And I keep asking. But you know what? It’s worth a try!