When we last checked in on loud, puzzlingly coiffed reality show creature Donald Trump’s YouTube vlog, he was braying on and on and on about how he has always maintained a great relationship with “the blacks,” because if there’s anything “the blacks” love, it’s a bloated, birther-conspiracy-pushing, bloviating white billionaire who eats his crappy pizza with a knife and fork.
So what’s Trump shouting out of his pasty white a$s about on YouTube now? The Oscars, naturally, specifically about how different things would have been if Sacha Baron Cohen dared to dump ashes on him instead of his pal, Ryan Seacrest, whom he terms a “great guy.” If there wasn’t reason enough to hate Donald Trump, the fact that he thinks Seacrest is a “great guy” should be enough to make any person of good taste loathe the SOB. But then he sort of subversively goes on to call Seacrest a pu$$y, so I suppose maybe there’s something redeeming to this.
Here’s a rough translation of Trump’s latest, scowling, squinty-eyed vlog rant: “If this f*ckin’ guy, Sacha Baron Cohen, had dumped those ashes on ME, Donald Trump, instead of a wilting daffodil like my boy Ryan, things would have went down much differently, because HE’D HAVE GOTTEN HIS FAWKIN A$S KICKED, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN’?!” Trump then went on to blast the Vanity Fair magazine Oscars afterparty, for some reason, as “boring.” I suppose Miley Cyrus having sex under a table wasn’t enough for him?