If you’ve spent any time at all on Facebook or Twitter today, you’ve probably noticed that A LOT of people are talking about the new cover of Time magazine — for some reason — marking the first time in years anyone outside of your Aunt Mildred has talked about Time magazine in public.
Inevitably, some media outlet, possibly Time itself, will do an oral history of the photo shoot for the cover — the full, slightly NSFW version of which is after the jump — 20 years or so down the line, in which someone will interview cover model Jamie Lynne Grumet, her teet-suckling son Aram, photographer Martin Schoeller and others who were there the day the cover photo was shot to get their perspectives on it. Here’s how I imagine it will go.
Aram: You could not even begin to imagine how popular this made me in high school. Thanks mom!
Grumet: I still to this day don’t see what the big was. I mean, I think it’s quite beautiful. I keep the cover in frame right next to the urn that contains my dad’s ashes.
Aram: I don’t remember any milk actually coming out of mom’s breast that day. And that shoot took HOURS. I think she’d run dry by then but kept it a secret.
Schoeller: The boy, Aram, he was sort of difficult. In addition to having a runny nose with snot running all over the place, I was having trouble getting him to look into the camera when he was on the teet.
Cajun Boy: I only read Time for the articles.
Makeup guy: I swear to God, I will never forget that as long as I live — that photographer storming over, pushing the kid out of the way, and screaming, “Look, watch me…this is how I need you to suck the tit.” And homegirl was just standing there all cool with it while he gobbed it up like a homeless man eating a cheeseburger. She looked like she was enjoying it! And I just know he was dying to get a mouthful. He was probably praying that the kid would f*ck up so he could go over and demonstrate.
Aram: I mean, yeah, I got some sh*t about it. Some kids called me “the boy who sucked his own mom’s titties.” But those dudes were just jealous. The ladies loved it. I sucked on so many titties in high school. You have no idea.
Grumet: When the shoot ended I went to yoga like it was just any ole day. Later I ran into the light guy from the shoot at Whole Foods. He came up to me and thanked me for being so brave. That was gratifying.
Light guy: I fapped to that lady’s tit for weeks.