Donald Trump To Howard Stern: I Would Not Have Sex With Kim Kardashian Or Jennifer Lopez

By: 06.18.14  •  13 Comments

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Donald Trump went on Howard Stern’s show yesterday, and thanks to him reliably being a giant butthole, I am now put in the uncomfortable position of sort of having to defend Kim Kardashian. Despite his claims that he doesn’t like being negative to people who are “so nice,” this is the nicest thing he could muster up when Howard asked him who was more beautiful between Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian:

Well, you know, Kim Kardashian, (laughs) you gotta hand it to her — ’cause, let’s face it — I mean gimmie a break, OK?

Charitable guy. When pressed as to which of the two ladies he would make Trumpy flowers with if he was absolutely FORCED to pick, despite the fact that both Kardashian and Lopez are apparently such wonderful women who have been so, so kind to him in the past — Trump insists that he would pick neither. Not because he respects them too much as women or anything like that, but because their hideous, huge freakshow asses that supposedly make The Donald’s boner turn upside down.

Yes, Kim Kardashian is a human cockroach. And Jennifer Lopez, well, I’ve got nothing against her. But of all the things wrong with Kim Kardashian, of which I could name quite a few, her appearance is not one of those things. So if Kim Kardashian is a cockroach then Donald Trump is — I don’t know, what’s lower than a cockroach? Cockroach herpes? I’m gonna go with cockroach herpes.

In the meantime, I eagerly await Kanye West’s response.

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