Several weeks ago, there was a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Oreos in my home, and it took everything within my power to not devour the entire bag on a daily basis. These damn cookies didn’t even taste like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups set between two chocolate cookies, but they were like little cream-filled devils calling my name at all hours of the day and demanding that I eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It was awful, and I will never allow that dark spirit to enter my home again… until the next time that Nabisco comes up with a stupidly enticing flavor.
That day is not today, though. According to a reader of The Impulsive Buy (via FoodBeast), Oreo’s latest limited edition flavor to hit shelves is Limeade. These golden cookie sandwiches were spotted in a Meijer store, which means that Limeade Oreos could be sold anywhere from Kentucky to (most likely) Michigan. So what’s the problem? After all, Oreo had a watermelon flavor last summer, as well as a lemon twist that was introduced in 2012 and returned in 2013. Hell, there was a blueberry ice cream Oreo released in Southeast Asia back in 2010, and I’d like to know why that never found its way into my home.
But the truth is that this is too much. Where does it stop, Oreo? Slurpee Oreos? Fried chicken Oreos? Triple-decker steak and lobster Oreos? Hot Pockets filled with processed meat, cheese and Oreos? Will Oreos soon replace every meal that we eat and every food available in stores, turning us into an entire civilization that depends solely on Oreos? NO. We must put our collective foot down now and tell Oreo that we will not stand for this insanity anymore. We must stand up for ourselves and tell Nabisco that we will not be shackled to their popular cookie sandwiches for the rest of eternity until our children are born rolling out of the womb in their very own tiny Rascal scooters.
Unless there’s a cherry limeade Oreo, in which case I welcome our new snack food overlords.