Fellas, I know what you’re thinking each and every time you hear about Kristen Bell being in a relationship with Dax Shepard: “WTF?! How did that guy get her? HIS NAME IS “DAX” FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY!”
Yes, I know. It’s a bit of an enigma, on the surface. Kristen Bell is, after all, some serious girlfriend material. She’s fun and funny as hell. She curses like a sailor. She plays fantasy football in one of the coolest leagues ever. I mean, what’s not to love? And yet, she lays down each night next to a dude named “Dax” who most people associate with being a slacker. Where’s the justice in the world?
Well, here’s the difference between you and Dax Shepard, bros: Have you ever even thought for a second about getting your girlfriend a goddamn sloth for her birthday? No, no you have not. End of story.
Dax Shepard > You. Deal with it.