As you probably know, James Franco — in addition to being a thespian of note, the subject of erotic fan fiction and an artist — has been pursuing creative writing degrees or something from NYU, Yale and Columbia, among others, in his spare time. And now he’ll put his education to good use by writing a novel for Amazon, which has been slowly venturing into publishing. According to reports, the book will be about …wait for it…the life of an actor named James Franco.
James Franco signed with Amazon to publish a novel “Actor’s Anonymous,” which is reported to be a fictionalized telling of his life as an actor. No publication date was announced.
The novel will be Franco’s third book but his first novel. He published Palo Alto, a book of short stories, in October 2010. In April Rizzoli will publish James Franco: Dangerous Book Four Boys, a collection of material drawn from 2010 art show Franco helped curate that played in New York and other cities.
Don’t ask how, but UPROXX has obtained a copy of the rough draft of the first chapter to Franco’s novel and we thought you might be interested in reading an excerpt. So, without further hoopla, here are the first few paragraphs of Franco’s sure-to-be future bestseller.
James Franco had been trapped in the crevice for three days now, his penis firmly trapped beneath a boulder. His food and water had run out. He took out his pocket knife and looked at it with determination.
He tried to cut through, but it was no use, his daily penis injections had left it impervious to all damage. He laid his head down and thought of home, of his children, and his wife. He imagined sending the children away, shoving his face into his wife’s anus taking in the smell. He could almost think it was real. As he began to slip away he felt something hit his cheek, then another hit his forehead. He looked up, expecting to see another boulder ready to topple on to him, ending his life. Instead he saw the most wonderful thing; above him was a family of desert goats making GBS threads on him. They shat as hard as they could, hard poo poo and liquid poo poo, hot poo poo and cold poo poo, wet poo poo and dry poo poo; all the poo poo the goats could poo poo filled the crevice.
James Franco could feel the power of scat play moving through his body, his penis suddenly flapped to life throwing the boulder high in the air. He appeared at his home two days later using his penis as a propeller.
Okay, actually, I lied — the writing above is a sampling of fake James Franco erotic fan fiction from a Something Awful thread. But this is probably not far off from what a James Franco novel will read like. You and I both know it.