The latest film version of The Great Gatsby — starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, and Carey Mulligan — is being helmed by Moulin Rouge director Baz Luhrmann, and is scheduled to be released next year. The trailer came out a few months ago, and it’s… uh, bright? Stylish? I don’t know. Lurhmanny?
Whatever. Here’s something I DO know: The Muppets are awesome. As such, here is my pitch for an all-Muppet version of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic book:
Jay Gatsby – Kermit the Frog: FROG IN A SUIT I REPEAT FROG IN A SUIT.
Nick Carraway – Gonzo: Casting Gonzo as Nick solves the main issue with adapting the book to the screen, because he can serve as narrator like he did in A Muppet Christmas Carol.
Daisy Buchanan – Miss Piggy: A materialistic socialite who likes to get all dolled up in dresses and pearls and frolic amongst the upper crust? Yeah, this one’s a gimme.
Tom Buchanan – Fozzie Bear: If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: throwing a “wocka wocka wocka” after lines like “Next they’ll throw everything overboard and have intermarriage” would really help to lighten the book up a little. You’re welcome.
Jordan Baker – Rizzo the Rat: Dressed up as a girl and constantly breaking the fourth wall to complain about it. Hilarious.
George Wilson – Animal: No other Muppet possesses the rage to convincingly pull off the final act. Also, I really like Animal.
Myrtle Wilson – Janice: Janice gets her breakout role, rising from “the girl Muppet in the band I dunno” to a vital member of the cast, and bringing a heretofore unseen grooviness to the book’s “other woman.”
Meyer Wolfsheim – The Swedish Chef: “Hurdy gurdy Oggsford hurdy don’t want to get mixed up in it gurdy hurdy furdy. [throws assorted vegetables in the air]”
Disgruntled, Unimpressed Party Guests – Statler and Waldorf: Obligatory.
NOTE: I am willing to write and direct this movie for free.