Alright, folks. Confession time: Zooey Deschanel isn’t really my jam. I know, I know. As a purveyor of the internet I signed a blood oath stating she was and always will be my whimsical dream girl, but if I’m being honest and this is just between us, the sparks aren’t there. Not to say I wouldn’t make her breakfast. I just wouldn’t kill a guy for the opportunity to make her breakfast. I find myself in a lot of these Ben Wyatt-Lil’ Sebastian situations.
Enough about me though, let’s get to why you’re all here: Zooey telling Conan about her Constable Bob-esque go-bag. Unfortunately in the clip below she doesn’t reveal that it’s full of assorted weaponry that will turn people into beef stew, or really that it’s a bag at all. More that she’s just a paranoid neurotic who needs to have an escape route at all times. Let me know when she reveals that she believes she is real-life Sarah Connor or that she’s in debt to the Japanese mafia and sh*t could go down at any moment. Then we can talk muse.
Oh yeah, did I forget to mention she has new rescue dogs that she calls “mutts” but no one cares because ZOOEY DESCHANEL AND HER RESCUE DOGS? That happens too.
And here’s Conan explaining exactly what happened when Jennifer Lawrence took a spill at the Oscars in case you’re in the same boat with me on Zooey.
“How did that old French lady get a longneck in there?” Now that’s what I’m talking about.