In the ceaseless pursuit of ideas that can be transformed into big budget movies, Hollywood has time and time again looked to the toy box for inspiration. But with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers, and GI Joe franchises already having been brought into existence, we’re a bit curious about what’s next, so we asked our writers to weigh in on what old school action figures they want to see on the big screen.
A Knock-Off Figures movie
We should see Knock-Off Figure: The Movie. Studios should just buy up the rights to all the crappy pirate toys and make a Robot Chicken-esque movie with them. Hey, it’d be as fun as Puppet Master. –Dan Seitz
Clay Face
I would absolutely love to see Clay Face on the big screen. I remember that action figure (the Batman: The Animated Series version) being awesome. If someone told me there was going to be an R-rated Batman movie where he goes head to head with Clay Face, I would go bonkers and be the happiest person of all time. –Jameson Brown
M.U.S.C.L.E.
The M.U.S.C.L.E toys are actually crazy. We as a people deserve to see them represented on screen. Why wouldn’t you wanna see a movie about a sentient, upside-down brick pyramid fighting a giant hand? And they’re all going to be pink. All of their costumes will be the same shade of dull eraser pink. I don’t think we need a plot, just a parade of action scenes involving psychedelic, monochromatic mini fighters. –Jimmy Andreakos
Street Sharks
Let’s not kid ourselves here, Street Sharks was a blatant attempt to cash-in on the mega-popularity of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Only instead of baby turtles wallowing around in toxic ooze and growing to human-size, four teens became trapped in a “gene-slammer” chamber and had their DNA fused with hammerheads and great whites. Despite the show lacking much originality, it did produce some pretty bad-ass toys and could transition well onto the big screen. Nab The Rock or Vin Diesel to provide the Street Shark voices and ’90s kids will be lining up to buy tickets. Jawesome, dude. – Bennett Hawkins
Lincoln Logs
Dystopian futures are all the rage these days, so picture this: Society is crumbling. Mankind takes shelter in ominous wooden enclosures. For a while, all seems calm. As long as everyone returns to their homes before nightfall, the status quo is maintained. However, if anyone wanders out after nightfall, the worst happens: the walls become sentient, and any trespasser gets trapped into a tiny cell. No food, no water, no room to sit. Just standing and waiting until death comes. We were prepared for the uprising of the machines, but this? Nothing could have prepared us for this. I’ll take a producer credit and points on the back-end, please and thank you. –Alyssa Fikse
Barnyard Commandos
At the time, it seemed like the Barnyard Commandos were just riding on the trend of armed, anthropomorphized animals constantly doing battle with one another, as was popular in the late ’80s and early ’90s. But now with the rise in food culture, concerns about long-term sustainability, and the never-ending discussion about the safety vs the effectiveness of GMOs, it seems like the perfect time to bring this militarized livestock back with a big-budget CGI movie. Like Angry Birds, but for foodies. –Christian Long
So, which action figure would you want to see on the big screen?
