The idea that something or someone is coming from the stars to shake up the human experience is a staple of fiction that precedes film, but thanks to movies like E.T., Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, and Independence Day the perceived phenomenon has been made to seem vividly real and possible. Also frightening, in a lot of cases.
With the premiere of Independence Day: Resurgence, it seemed like a good time to think about alien invasions and suss out our plan for when we come face to face with our new leaders.
I’m Out!
I will be getting the hell out of town. One of the theories as to why aliens haven’t found us is “The Great Filter,” some sort of scientific or biological barrier that prevents interstellar travel or communication, possibly one that wipes out advanced societies. And if human history has shown us anything, it’s that when two cultures meet for the first time, something bad usually happens. Off to the woods! –Dan Seitz
Hang Out With Em
If they’re friendly, I’ll probably hang out around the house and watch the live feed of their landing on Periscope. Then, eventually, I assume they’ll have some representatives do a door-to-door or maybe hold some smaller, regional seminars that I’ll attend once the hype has died down.
If they’re hostile, I honestly don’t see how I’ll approach the situation any differently. Although if some sort of non-alien resistance were to form in my neighborhood I’d at least listen to their recruitment pitch. –Christian Long
Waiting It Out
Well, we all like to assume that we’ll be on the front lines, fighting for humanity and whatnot. However, I know myself well enough to know that I’ll be holed up somewhere waiting it out. Honestly, any sort of resistance force will be better off without me and my weak ankles, so you can find me in a cabin somewhere with a stockpile of canned goods and my dog. I’ll help rebuild society after the fact. If we make it. –Alyssa Fikse
Back Home
When the aliens arrive I will go back to my homeland, Lake Tahoe. This is the only place where the martians can’t get you, according to Mars Attacks. I’m hopeful that the same rule applies to visitors from other planets. –Chloe Schildhause
At The Barbecue
Captain Steven Miller (Will Smith) didn’t get to enjoy his July 4th barbecue because of the alien invaders in the first Independence Day. Sure, they attacked the planet, destroyed several cities and murdered millions, but canceling the Fresh Prince’s grilling plans? No. That’s why, when our new alien overlords finally arrive to wipe us off the face of the Earth, I’ll be at the barbecue, enjoying my final moments with a fantastic batch of pulled pork, ribs, and brisket. –Andrew Husband
Working For Us
Working at creating great web log #content for uproxx dot com backslash dime mag. –Spencer Lund
Working For Them
Jason is all about self-preservation. That’s why he eats so much fat-rich food — he’s working on a blubber layer for when nuclear winter comes. Aliens are a whole ‘nother rival, though. Jason can’t simply outlast the aliens and hope that they get decimated by a case of the sniffles or Will Smith. He needs to be proactive. He needs to cozy up to our new overlords and prove himself of use. Which is why Jason is ratting out ALL YOUR ASSES. Gonna lead them to the woods, gonna lead them to your BBQs. Sorry to break up your pitiful attempts at invasion survival, but Jason magic lights the Earth, so he’s GOT to live, thrive, and survive however he can. -Jason Tabrys
So, where are YOU going to be when they come?
