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Michael Bublé Dubbing ‘Russian Unicorn’ > Actual Michael Bublé

By 07.12.11

BadLipReading took the goofy music video for Michael Bublé’s “Haven’t Met You Yet” and reinterpreted what he might have been saying, based on their lip-reading skills.  The result is “Russian Unicorn”, a vastly-improved musing on the price of Hot Pockets, his pet porcupine Zazoom, the possibility that his lady friend might be incontinent, and the burning desire to hunt rare, red unicorns from the former Soviet Union.  Important things, these.

The only way this could be even better would be if the singer had the same lisp as Bublé and if he mentioned the velociraptor which is stalking him always.  Also, this video does not contain any Jon Hamm, and how can we have Bublé without the finest Hamm?

 

 

 
Lyrics?  Girl you know I got lyrics:

 

RUSSIAN UNICORN

I’ma blast your brains
Talking full-on sex
I got a porcupine called “Zazoom”
He leaves his scent on people’s graves
(Why is Zazoom always around so many graves?)
I had a cold one time, then I licked myself
Why don’t y’all just float off
Now you’re useless
I need a woman with a Benz looking to lose it
I ate the cookie then I gave it back to Benny
There she go
Now watch me flow

Oh, the night is young
Now baby we could shoot a Russian unicorn
We’ll probably do it on the couch
While my roomie’s out hiking
So take if off and bite your tongue
And hope my roommate don’t come home

A “Hot Pocket” for twenty cents is a steal any day of the week
I wanna shave that mustache and then have gelato
We’re here for too long
We gotta run, okay?
And trick those monsters so that they don’t shoot my left nut.

I know you ain’t a b*tch, cuz girl you kill it
I pee-peed in your glove and soon you’ll start to smell it
If your body’s a secret girl then you about to spill it
When I count to three dismount

Oh, the night is young
Now baby we could shoot a Russian unicorn
We’ll probably do it on the couch
While my roomie’s out hiking
So take if off and bite your tongue

I think that I ought to confess
I drink fire water
But I don’t want the keys to your van
What I need is a rare, vermillion, Ukrainian unicorn

We can shoot a unicorn
Girl, I know you’ll like the horn
And I’m gonna keep you warm
Till you wake up in the morning

I know you ain’t a b*tch
Oops
I didn’t mean to do that
I just want to say I should not have ate those Cajun rice and beans
The guy behind you just soiled his underwear
(sniff, sniff)
Oh, umm, maybe YOU did it
Hey, that’s okay girl!
Them strawberries look juicy

Oh, the night is young
Now baby we could shoot a Russian unicorn
We’ll probably do it on the couch
While my roomie’s out hiking
So take if off and bite your tongue
And hope my roommate don’t come home
Bite your tongue
And hope my roommate don’t come home
I got your Barbie zucchini
Happy Monsoon Day!
And you promised you’d lick it
I’m gonna save a mental kitty

I poisoned my dog so he can’t keep chasing that baby giraffe

 

 

Michael Bublé being stalked by a velociraptor is always relevant.


TAGSBAD LIP READINGINTERNETSMICHAEL BUBLEMUSICRUSSIAN UNICORN

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