A couple of weeks ago I did something I’d never done before: I attended a Van Helen concert. Now, I had a Van Halen phase once upon a time — I was always more of a Sammy Hagar guy than a David Lee Roth kind of guy, mind you — but I’d never attended any of their shows.
Conversely, I’ve seen plenty of Broadway shows in my lifetime and this Van Halen show, specifically David Lee Roth’s campy frontman act, was gayer than just about every Broadway show I’ve ever seen. I mean, this guy makes Lloyd from Entourage look like John Wayne.
What was especially striking to me was that most of the attendees of the show had necks that were bright red — this was in the South, after all — but they all seemed completely oblivious to the strong homosexual undertones emanating from Roth when he’s on stage. Like, I’m pretty sure that if some guy wearing makeup dressed in sequined tights came prancing at them Roth-style on the street they’d probably want to fight him.
But because Roth, pictured above wearing assless chaps, is perceived as some sort of swinging dick groupie slayer — and he did make multiple sad, painful references to banging groupies during the show — they were seemingly clueless as to how overtly gay Roth’s entire act is. It left me seriously wondering: how is David Lee Roth not a gay icon?
Anyway, Roth really wants Van Halen to be chosen to perform at halftime of the next Super Bowl, so he wrote a letter pleading for such to happen…
An Open Letter
I’m compelled to address the now-rampant rumors that Van Halen is playing the Superbowl. First of all let me say this — be still my pigskin heart. That honor has not been bestowed upon us at this time though it is one we would accept in a NY minute.
Having heard VH blaring through stadium speakers on any given Sunday – more like every given Sunday, the idea of playing there live would be like – ‘okay, now we’re in the game’.
Van Halen’s collective memories are – and with all due respect to each and every one of these memories, teeming with been-theres and done-that’s, but none include playing at the Superbowl. Playing at the Superbowl is a veritable holy grail of musical recognition, a highly prized rite of passage for (game-changing) artists. Not a spiritual rite with snake pits or Hebrew school or anything, but it’s up there.
We are not on Commissioner Goodell’s dance card at this time, but we would be most honored to dance the halftime away in New Orleans.
It’s an honor to be considered and for that we would like to thank the rumormongers all over the World Wide Web.
Personally, I want the Foo Fighters. #foofightersfornolasuperbowl