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Where Do We Sign Up To Party With Randy Travis?

By / 08.08.12

This, ladies and gentlemen, is how a country music artist earns street cred…

Reports CBS:

Randy Travis was charged with driving while intoxicated and threatening law officers after the country singer crashed his car and was found naked and combative at the scene, Texas officials said Wednesday.

Now, some might call this a bad night out. An unfortunate incident, if you will. But having to walk out of jail wearing borrowed clothes is the stuff of a deep-fried chart-topping country hit!

A photo released by the Grayson County Sheriff’s Office shows a battered-looking Travis in a T-shirt, with a black eye and dried blood on his face. He later walked out of jail on $21,500 bond wearing scrubs, a University of Texas ball cap and no shoes.

Now, at this point, we’re not sure what chain of events led Randy Travis to drunkenly climb behind the wheel of a car naked (his nakedness makes up for the lack of a pickup truck in this scenario) and speed off into the Texas night. But we can sure as hell speculate! And to add some color to the whole thing, let’s do it in the voice of country fried prose peddler Rick Bragg, shall we?

It was hot that August night in Texas, as August nights in Texas tend to be. If my Uncle Clem hadn’t drank himself to death in the parking lot of a Cracker Barrel after the 1997 Iron Bowl he’d say that it was hotter than pig nuts marinated in Tabasco sauce. They say the heat makes folks crazy. Well, Texas in August heat will make a man so crazy that he’ll spike his sweet tea with his granddaddy’s 20 year-old moonshine, and as any ole rascal who’s noodled for catfish in a creek knows, that’s just plum crazy, crazier than a beagle pup on opening day of rabbit huntin’ season.

But that’s just what ole Randy did that night. If he’d had at least put down a plate of his mama’s buttermilk fried chicken and mashed taters beforehand he might not ended up nekkid and cuffed in the back of Roscoe P. Coaltrain’s squad car. But he foolishly sweet tea-ed and moonshined on a stomach emptier than church on bingo night at the VFW. The rest, as they say down here in the land of red dirt and biscuits-n-gravy, is history.

Seriously, I so wanna party with Randy Travis.

(Pics via Grayson County Sheriff’s Office and TMZ’s Twitter)


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