Anytime a celebrity makes news for something concerning drugs or alcohol — as Fiona Apple did when she was recently arrested for having pot on her in Texas — I usually get at least one email from a publicist touting the services of some “expert” who claims to know what’s best for celebrities in peril.
For example, I just searched my Gmail inbox using the words “Lindsay Lohan” and a number of such emails popped up. Here’s one of them, for example…
Hi Brett Michael -
Lindsay Lohan Completes Her Community Service, But Will it Help? Expert Says NO!
The actress who has been famously in and out of jail for violations of her probation on a DUI charge was sentenced to work in a morgue. But Adam Young, an advocate of rehabilitation through education, says a more creative sentence may have actually benefitted Lohan.
“Negative reinforcement never works. Lindsay has been in and out of court for years, has failed to do her community service many times, and could use some inspiration to get her life back on track. Statistics show a high correlation between crime and lack of education: The less education a person has, the more likely he or she will end up in jail or prison. Once in prison, the more education an inmate receives, the greater the chance he or she will remain free once released. People quickly forget about inconveniences like working at the morgue for a few days. Had Lindsay taken some of those hours and used them learning about the universe or business finance, she may have been inspired to focus her life towards something positive again.”
Adam is available immediately for interviews via phone or email if you are interested – just let me know!
This sort of thing always make me feel groos. To think that there are people out there so eager to capitilize on the failings of others that they employ publicists is just kind of sick in my opinion. Turns out, Fiona Apple, the subject of such speculation from such unsavory “experts” of late, doesn’t care much for this sort of thing either, as it turns out.
Yes, over the weekend Fiona Apple went on a bit of a rant during a performance in Florida. Specifically, she singled out internet cockroach Perez Hilton for banging on her appearance of late — gaining weight or something — and quoting “experts” on how she’s obviously spiraling out of control.
“To hire ‘experts’ to comment and say that I am sick is totally, totally irresponsible, and dangerous, and you should know better … And I’m not on any drugs. I had some bourbon before I came out here…Lay off with that stuff because it hurts my feelings.”
YOU TELL EM, GIRL! #teamFiona