Ladies, beware, you’re about to enter the Splash Zone. Those affected: your pants. Erik von Markovik is a pick-up artist who goes by “Mystery” and…actually, that’s all you need to know; the picture has already been painted, and the paint smell likes Axe Body Spray mixed with Ed Hardy’s Eau de Douche. “Mystery” is trying out a new technique to get with the ladies: Gawker calls it “Nickelbacking.” Which is to say, he’s using Nickelback to score chicks, because he wants that something in your mouth to be his heroic c*ck star, because, I’m done.
This comes from the future Mrs Mystery (Mrstery?):
Mystery and his wingman Matador both flanked me and threw a bunch of game. So I did all the PUA stuff like neg-ing, being alternately interested and then completely ignoring or jumping up mid convo to cut them off and change the song, kiss a friend hello, etc. Mystery asked for my number, I gave him my card, and he texted like 30 times. I wrote back a short response or two, and then he sent this video. I can’t stop watching it. It’s like next level Starbucks Drake hands. (Via)
Mystery won’t stop until he gets that battery life down to 69%.
Anyway, you’ll have to head to Gawker to see the video, but here’s a teaser:
This is how you remind me…that I need to put on a new pair of pants ASAP.
(Banner via Getty Image, via Gawker)