Judging by the comments in Dan Seitz’s look-back at Roland Emmerich’s 1998 monstrously terrible Godzilla, you guys REALLY don’t like “Come with Me.” It takes a special kind of awful to out-stink Matthew Broderick’s limp leading-man acting and a GIANT LIZARD PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK IN NEW YORK CITY, but there you go. It got me thinking: is the Godzilla soundtrack (featuring a song that’s actually WORSE than “Come with Me,” IMHO) the worst movie soundtrack of the 1990s? With all due respect to “Addams Groove” and “Addams Family Whoomp!” from the Addams Family films, here are the bottom 10.
10. Barb Wire (Barb Wire)
It’s a who’s who of artists that will make you say, “Who?” There’s Johnette Napolitano and Shampoo and Mr. Ed Jumps the Gun and Salt-N-Pepa, who you’ve heard of, but you’ll wish you hadn’t after suffering through “None of Your Business (Barb Wire Metal Mix).” Though that lil’ ditty sounds like “I Want to Hold Your Hand” compared to the Marilyn Manson afterbirth that is Tommy Lee’s “Welcome to Planet Boom.” Here’s hoping Lee and Billy Corgan recorded a new version!
9. Titanic: Music from the Motion Picture (Titanic)
Is it unfair to bash an album that has sold more than 30 million copies, all because this one time, a girl rejected an invitation to dance to “My Heart Will Go On” with me during middle school? No. If anything, I’m doing the world a favor, because if I have to hear Celine Dion’s overwrought ballad one more time, I’m going to burn down a boat. I’d later find out the boat was filled with smugglers and pirates and Billy Zanes up to no good, so you’re welcome, America. And f*ck you, Canada.
8. Psycho: Music from and Inspired by the Motion Picture (Psycho)
“Psycho: Music from and Inspired by the Motion Picture…includes three adaptations of Bernard Herrmann’s score to the original by Danny Elfman, with the rest of the album made up of songs by rock, metal, country, trip hop, and drum and bass artists.” That is the Indiana Jones Face Melt of sentences, though I’d pay A LOT of money to hear Alfred Hitchcock’s reaction to Rob Zombie’s “Living Dead Girl.”
7. Hudson Hawk (Hudson Hawk)
Bruce Willis’ tame, talk-sung covers of “Swinging on a Star” and “Side by Side” are still better than the Hudson Hawk video game (but nowhere near as great as The Return of Bruno).
6. Tarzan (Tarzan)
Disney was the king of movie soundtracks for the first half of the decade. They went from Beauty and the Beast to Aladdin to The Muppet Christmas Carol to The Lion King to A Goofy Movie to Pocahontas to Toy Story to The Hunchback of Notre Dame, which contains the single scariest Disney movie song ever, “Hell Fire.” I’ll even defend the Hercules and Mulan soundtracks, but things came to a screeching halt with Tarzan, featuring not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE original Phil Collins songs (six if you separate the version of “Trashin’ the Camp” with Rosie O’Donnell from the version of “Trashin’ the Camp” with ‘N Sync.) Collins is perhaps unfairly labeled as the King of ZZZ, but the cotton ball “Two Worlds” and used tissue “You’ll Be in My Heart” aren’t going to convince anyone to the contrary.