Chrissy Teigen and John Legend are the poster children for what the kids call “#relationshipgoals.” Seriously, just Google “Chrissy Teigen John Legend Relationship Goals” and you will find nearly one million results, including posts entitled “24 Times Chrissy Teigen and John Legend Restored Our Faith In Love,” “Chrissy Teigen and John Legend Are The Most Perfect Couple In Existence,” “17 Times Chrissy Teigen and John Legend Were The Definition Of Relationship Goals,” and “452 Times Chrissy Teigen and John Legend Made Me Want To Die Because I Know I Will Never Be As Happy As They Are, What Is The Meaning Of This Cruel Life, I Did Not Ask To Be Born.”
Scrolling through either of their Instagram feeds late at night when you’re unable to sleep, wondering why you’ve yet to become a smart, funny, world-famous supermodel blissfully married to a gorgeous, socially-conscious, world-famous singer (or in the morning, whatever, it’s your life), there’s a good chance you’ll find some kind of adorable, love-affirming photo of the two, paired with a caption that’s sharply witty or slightly strange (if it’s Chrissy) or very sweet and less witty (if it’s John). There’s Chrissy, waxing poetic about a giant wheel of cheese. There’s John, waxing poetic about Chrissy. Their bond is beautiful. A little too beautiful. It’s horrible. It’s life-ruining. It’s the apocalypse. But Chrissy’s latest Instagram is proof that even Relationship Goals Relationships have dark, horrible secrets.
Today, she posted a beautiful photo of the couple strewn across a floor in formalwear, as only gorgeous rich people unconcerned about dry-cleaning bills can. In the caption, she wished John a happy 37th birthday. “Another year with you has flown by and I am so proud of what you’ve accomplished. Every year, I wonder how things can even get better but you always find a way. Happy *37th* birthday to the most wonderful, hard-working, loving being I, and anyone who has ever met you, have ever known. We love you, my handsome old man.”
But near the end end of the caption, a chilling aside: “Also I’m sorry I thought you were 37 all year.”
Chrissy Teigen did not know her own husband’s age. There you have it, kids. Chrissy Teigen and John Legend aren’t perfect after all!!! Let us rejoice. Let us all join hands and run into the streets, where we shall burn cheese wheels in effigy and laugh maniacally as we play “Ordinary People” backwards, where its true Satanic message will be revealed.
K, do we feel better yet, or…?
