The crack team over at Vulture recently put together a chart to determine which month has released the highest number of officially anointed Song of the Summers over the past 20 years. Their findings are what you’d expect: May (7), followed by April (5) then March (4). That means there’s a good chance this year’s song that you’re going to hear every five seconds from every radio from every car has already come out, or will do so very shortly.
In a perfect world, the Song of the Summer would be something by Best Coast or Tenacious D or Beach House (most depressing summer ever). But, as we know all too well, it’s going to be something like “Hot in Herre” by Nelly or “Umbrella” by Rihanna. Because I’m a biased, indie rock-loving d-bag, I scoured the Internet to see what other people think will be this year’s, um, “Macarena.” Here are seven possibilities. (Banner via)
Song: “Lemme See” by Usher ft. Rick Ross
Who Thinks It’s Going to Be the Song of the Summer: Rhapsody
Even though he named one of his albums the day after my birthday (it has nothing to do with the record dropping on August 7), Usher has always bugged me. I’ll admit to liking, and then subsequently getting sick of, “Yeah!” but I find most of his work to be too blaringly loud and oddly cold to enjoy. (I am my father.) “Lemme See” is from Usher’s soon-to-be-released seventh album, Looking 4 Myself, and although Rick Ross makes everything better, it’s not a particularly “summer-y” track.
Song: “The Baddest” by Krispy Kreme
Who Thinks It’ll Be the Song of the Summer: Twitter users, irony lovers, the gun industry
Face it: you’re going to soon associate hot, sticky, sweaty July nights with rapper Krispy Kreme and his 400 guitars, 400 cars, 400 mouses, and 400 houses, and be better off for it. Also: worst hype man ever?
Song: “So Good” by B.o.B.
Who Thinks It’ll Be Song of the Summer: Time Out Chicago
Like every B.o.B. song, “So Good” is boring and lifeless, like he’s trying out for a spot in the Black Eyed Peas. Luckily, this song has already peaked on the Billboard Hot 100, but it’s only a matter of time before another piece of pop-rap crap from B.o.B. takes its spot.
Song: “Let the White Paint Drip (Cum on Your Face)” by M-16 A.K.A. Cock the Glock
Who Thinks It’ll Be Song of the Summer: YouTube user Josephv11
Mr. The Glock knows how to write a tight verse:
Give me a moment while I lick those lips
The give me a second while I load these clips
I’ll cum on yo face then shoot your clit
Take out my brush to let my white paint drip
Only white color pee spray to the face
I pray I have a big load, so I say Grace, say Grace, say Grace
Tight like a puss — I’m sorry, I can’t.
Song: “Sing It” by Rebecca Black
Who Thinks It’ll Be Song of the Summer: People who give Rebecca Black too much credit
Psh. Rebecca Black is so 200-and-LAME.
Songs: “Snapbacks” by the Stack Boys
Who Thinks It’ll Be Song of the Summer: Videogum
I want this to be true.
Song: “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen
Who Thinks It’ll Be Song of the Summer: Village Voice, millions of teenage girls
“Call Me Maybe” is already f*cking huge, but not SO huge that you want to blow your brains out every time you hear it (think back to 2010 when you couldn’t go five minutes without hearing Katy Petty’s “California Gurls”). Jepsen’s first single from her Curiosity EP is currently #4 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart — and rising. Expect it to top Gotye soon, and then lodge its way into your brain. As of right now, this is the Song of the Summer, for better or worse.