Bono Was Almost The Richest Musician In The World

05.18.12 5 years ago

It’s not a BEAUTIFUL DAY, it’s a DIRTY DAY, because numerous reports claim that Bono, lead singer of U2, is about to become the number ONE richest musician in the world (though Bono denies it). I wish you could WALK ON from this news, to WHERE THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME (like, space or somewhere), but you’re STUCK IN A MOMENT YOU CAN’T GET OUT OF.

Today’s Facebook IPO will make U2’s Bono the richest rocker on the planet.

Back in 2009, the musician smartly bought 2.3 percent of shares for $90 million in the social networking company through his private equity firm, Elevation Partners.

With Facebook now going public, Bono is said to make close $1.5 billion in returns. The current richest musician, Paul McCartney, has a totaled fortune of approximately $1.05 billion.

It’s no use TRYIN’ TO THROW YOUR ARMS AROUND THE WORLD to POP it like a balloon and pretend this SO CRUEL news never happened, either (that would be the SWEETEST THING); it’s inevitable. I’ve gone NUMB, in fact, and need someone to HOLD ME, then KILL ME. If it’s between LOVE AND PEACE OR ELSE, I’d take OR ELSE, assuming “LOVE AND PEACE” equals Bono gets all that money and “OR ELSE” means it goes to THE PLAYBOY MANSION. (That was a stretch, sorry.)

But seriously, I don’t really like Bono or U2. Except for Larry Mullen, Jr. He seems cool.

BTW, Facebook’s stock was a huge disappointment on its first day of trading. That sound you hear is Cajun Boy cackling and rolling a blunt.

(Pic via Shutterstock)

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