Is This The Best Chris Brown Review Ever?

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Entertainment Editor
07.31.12 43 Comments

An amazing Chris Brown album review in Fortune has emerged which harkens back to that magnificent Nickelback review. Once again a local music reporter is pulling no punches, a skill Chris Brown is wont to learn. (ZING!) The review was written by Australian writer Chloe Papas in an issue of X-Press Magazine.

Although Papas’ review doesn’t have the brevity of Chad Taylor’s, it makes up for it with colorful turns of phrase. From “Till I Die is a catastrophic misogynistic sh-t of a song” to “this is a catastrophic clusterf–k of an album that shouldn’t appeal to anyone with ears”, this review has everything. But it’s perhaps the way Papas addresses Team Breezy that clinches it:

Regardless of whether Chris Brown has any musical talent (he doesn’t) or whether this album is any good (it isn’t), the man recently brutally assaulted a woman, and is still regularly invited back to award shows and worshipped by ‘Breezy’ fans worldwide. Which is, frankly, disgusting. And for those of you out there saying you need to separate the music and the man: screw you, don’t encourage his actions. Final words: don’t buy this album.

She finishes by awarding the album “NO STARS EVER”.

Hey, Papas, we got you something:

[Pictures via Reddit , commenter Patty Boots, and also Reddit. Hat tip to Gawker.]

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When not writing for Uproxx, Caleb likes to volunteer at the legless cat shelter and photoshop the Babadook into all of his family photos. He once resolved the question “To be or not to be?” through the clever use of General Semantics. Your mom thinks you could be more like him if you only applied yourself.

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