Is The ‘Bad Blood’ Squad Gearing Up For Summer By Dumping All Their Boyfriends?

Is it the summer of singledom for Taylor Swift and her #squad? Just a day after it was confirmed that Taylor Swift and her EDM-beau Calvin Harris called it quits after more than a year of dating, fellow squad member Gigi Hadid is reported to have done the same with her boyfriend of a few months Zayn Malik. Calvin now says he just wasn’t into Taylor’s Hollywood lifestyle (even though he’s a continent-hopping and internationally famous DJ that makes $65 million a year) but what’s the reason for Gigi and Zayn’s split so soon after? The model and singer have been dating for a much shorter time period than their famous friends, that’s for sure, and breakups do happen all the time. But the timing here is so strange as to be suspicious.

No self-respecting famous couple goes through a high-profile breakup without getting as long a media cycle as possible. That’s called “we might be in a fake relationship for the press” 101. We’re not implying anything here by saying Zayn and Gigi’s time together perfectly spanned the period from just before his album launch to the start of summer, but that’s exactly what it did. So if there were ulterior motives for the relationship in the first place, then why follow the end of Taylor’s love story so closely? Isn’t a solid showing in the press the most important part of being a famous 20-something who gets millions of likes just for posting an Instagram of a your significant other holding a cat?

With that in mind, there seems to be a conspiracy afoot for all of Taylor’s squad to become single again at once. Whether that means any current relationships have been a long con to bring down the young patriarchy of the music industry or that Taylor sent out a mass text at midnight Wednesday night with the message “If I can’t be happy then no one can. xoxo Gossip Tay”. Thus the dominoes began to fall. How else would Taylor fill her summer with perfectly filtered snapshots of her and her friends in adorably retro bikinis if everyone still had boyfriends? You can’t very well have a boyfriend (or girlfriend!) in some dockside selfie during a long weekend in Rhode Island. It just won’t stand. How will you craft a melancholy but biting lyric about being alone after a breakup for your next album if there’s testosterone all up in the photo ops?

This is clearly part of Tay’s plan to take over the world with her squad by her side, but for that to be possible no one can be tied down. All the time it takes to commit to a relationship could be spent drawing on perfectly lined cat-eye makeup and accomplishing putting up a high-ponytail without a hair out of place. Someone should probably break the news to Jack Antonoff and St. Vincent that their blissful partnerships are not long for this world. Lorde was one step ahead of everybody and split with her so-and-so in January. Although, that is summer in Australia so the conspiracy theory stands! RIP Zayn and Gigi’s relationship, it will be interesting to see how fast the Swift Squad assembles on the soonest available Mediterranean yacht.

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