Everyone who’s created content for the internet knows that feeling. You’ve spent the better part of an afternoon getting something just so, then you put it out there. Two days later, the only direct feedback is a single comment informing you that you suck d–k for quarters. Which may be true, but it’s hardly germane to the discussion.
Now Isabel Fay and Tom Hopgood of Clever Pie have released a song just for the “sexually aggressive, racist, homophobe, misogynistic, cowardly, illiterate, waste of human skin” known as the internet troll. That chorus really rolls off the tongue. (Feel free to tell me my mom really rolls off the tongue in the comments section below. After all, that’s what it’s there for, right?)
The song is reminiscent of last October’s Internet Comments Talk Show on SNL (feat. Melissa McCarthy), but I enjoyed the song even more — probably because they didn’t have to censor it for a network TV audience. The song and lyrics are below. This has NSFW language, but an adorable Brit is singing it, so does it even really count as swearing? Everything sounds so fancy in that accent, even when she talks about randy gibbons. (As in a lascivious primate, not as in Randy Gibbons, an awesomely awful name for a porn star.)
(H/T: Nerdcore)
LYRICS:
Well hello friend Mister Insightful
Thank you for your comment on my little Youtube clip!
Most people say you’re cruel and spiteful,
But you’re right, how do I sleep at night? I am a massive pr-ck.
They call you hater well they’re just jealous
Your constructive pearls of wisdom give me thrills I can’t deny
How will we know if you don’t tell us
We could improve our Youtube channels by “f–king off and dying”?
Some might say you are a…
Sexually aggressive, racist, homophobe, misogynistic,
Cowardly, illiterate, waste of human skin,
Sexually aggressive, racist, homophobe, misogynistic,
Cowardly, illiterate, waste of human skin,
But I say: thank you beautiful stranger.
I love the way you don’t upload things
You know we’d be too dazzled by your cinematic vision
But you’re there on every comment string
Where you teach us, just like Jesus but while wanking like a gibbon.
I’m really sure that if I met you
You probably wouldn’t rape me like you promised that you would.
We are like “that”; I really get you
You’re right about that laughing kid, he is a total “cnut”.
(Samba instrumental)
You wished me cancer and misspelled “cancer”
But I know that it’s a metaphor. You hope that I will grow,
Just like the tumor you hoped would kill me
Inside the t-ts on which you said you’d also like a go.
You said that girls shouldn’t do funny
But you’d f–k me double hard and let your mates go after you.
Oh what a line you lovely honey.
Are you on e-harmony? Oo! I’ll join the queue!
Some might say you’re a…
sexually aggressive, racist, homophobe, misogynistic,
cowardly, illiterate, waste of human skin,
sexually aggressive, racist, homophobe, misogynistic,
cowardly, illiterate, waste of human skin.
But if it wasn’t for you my darling,
I would never have written this tune.
Some might say that You’re So Vain,
But this song is all about you!
