I wasn’t planning to relay news on only one subject today, but then a fish stole a lady’s bikini, guaranteeing I would be looking for nothing but animal news, trying to find where that fish is now so I can high five one of his fins. Speaking of animals deserving of a high five, a monkey in Nanjing, China saved a puppy after a pipeline explosion that killed at least 13 people and injured more than 300. That monkey has great instincts. You always save the cutest thing you can carry.
And while I’m on the subject of “the cutest thing”, here’s the cutest jailbreak of the week: a panda at the Chengdu Panda Base in Chengdu, China escaped from his cell without really trying. No surprise there. We’ve already warned you that pandas are constantly plotting adorable escapes. By the way, “Chengdu Panda Base” sounds like just the place to send pandas for mercenary training. No wonder he escaped so easily; he was trained for the task.
A less-successful escape was made by a woman in Sweden, who was stolen by a deer while her confused husband did his best Swedish Chef impression. You’ll really just have to click the link for the video below; no further explanation would do this one justice. Deer are just up to no good this week, as 17-year-old Kacee Larson of Conrad, Iowa is learning. She’s now earned the nickname “Deer Magnet” after hitting her fifth deer, which totaled her minivan. Since this is Iowa, if she hits just seven more deer this season her nickname will be upgraded from “Deer Magnet” to “Venison Magnate.” We eat what we kill.
- Monkey saves dog, breaks hearts. (BestWeekEver)
- Cute panda escapes from jail, eats to celebrate. (TheDailyWhat)
- Deer straight-up steals a woman. Not cool, deer. Not cool. (Pusha)
- Iowa teen carves the fifth outline of a deer into her back brace. (KOMONews)
- Awesome headline/subtitle of the day: “Monkeys hate flying squirrels, report monkey-annoyance experts. Japanese macaques will completely flip out when presented with flying squirrels, a new study in monkey-antagonism has found. The research could pave the way for advanced methods of enraging monkeys.” How does one become a “monkey-annoyance expert”? And why are they developing “advanced methods of enraging monkeys”? You monkey-annoyance experts can just suck macaque. (Neatorama)
- Remember the donkey that was used for a parasailing stunt for the opening of a beach in Russia? British newspaper The Sun has bought the donkey and are giving it a new home, far away from parachutes and Russian beaches. They just couldn’t resist dat ass. (France24)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- I could have sworn the internet was made of cats, but according to this infographic from TheNextWeb, how the internet really works is not nearly as cute, nor prone to puking in my shoes. Which is okay, I guess. (TheNextWeb)
- Here’s an infographic about the ecosystems of the world, made by Robin Richards. Be sure to eat one from each today. (RipeTungi)