This Friday we bring, to you, the humble reader, two things to improve yourself. Cops in miniskirts, courtesy of the Czech Republic, and the word which is, by critical acclaim or at least according to about a thousand suburbanites, the most annoying word in the English language. And apparently it’s got nothing to do with “Twilight”, Justin Bieber, or any sort of a reality show! Let’s explore the wonderful world of annoyance!
First, let’s talk women in miniskirts. Specifically Czech women in miniskirts. Specifically, Czech policewomen in miniskirts. No, we’re not trying to invoke Rule 34, or tell you what dirty videos we want you, our loving readers, to send us in our emails for Christmas (not that we’d turn those down) we’re talking about the most hilariously failed traffic initiative ever.
Prague, already a city one drives around only if you have a death wish, decided that traffic lights were too expensive for its most dangerous traffic intersections. So instead they put up a bunch of cardboard cutouts with stop and go signals.
One problem: to make drivers pay attention to the cutouts, they put a model in a miniskirt and high heels, because, apparently, traffic safety advertising uses precisely the same strategies as beer ads from the 1980s. As a result, traffic accidents have doubled at these intersections as drivers are either ogling a cardboard cutout, which is as sad as you can get before making a pillow with an anime character on it your girlfriend, or wrecked because they couldn’t figure out why somebody was wearing a miniskirt in the Czech Republic in January. Or at least the story of at least one driver, probably with a wife or a lawyer who thinks it sounds better.
Needless to say, especially after the traffic data came in, the Czech minister of the interior is rethinking this particular plan. Maybe instead of just some random model, they could hire the goddess of cardboard cutouts, Kathy Ireland. I mean, come on, what’s she been up to? Well, writing books and being a Christian, but aside from that. She could use the exposure.
Next, the most annoying word of the year is…whatever. No, we’re not being sarcastic (in this sentence, anyway), it’s “whatever” with 39% of the vote. This is the result of a poll of 1020 Americans, presumably all of which are parents with snarky teenagers. What followed “whatever” in the loathing sweepstakes? “Like”, with 29%, followed by “you know what I mean” with 15%, “to tell you the truth” with 10%, and “actually” with 5%, although that may just be the small minority of Pet Shop Boys fans who hated that album.
We’re going to assume that Marist, who ran this poll, actually went out of the way to seek out suburban moms. Also that they were extremely bored at work. To tell you the truth, polls like this are utterly irrelevant news bait using a tiny sample solely to make a statement and get a bunch of free advertising courtesy of Internet writers with deadlines.
Hey, wait just a darn minute here!
- Women in miniskirts and high heels distract drivers? Really? How badly off is the Czech Republic that they just figured this out? (Telegraph)
- Suburban minds don’t want snarkiness in their conversations. Another shock. (UPI)
- OK, let’s change the topic to history. Namely, embalmed body parts. The head of King Henri IV, presumed lost due to France having that whole head-chopping thing and the attendant social chaos, has been found. They actually had to go all CSI on the head because, of course, there aren’t any French royals left to test the DNA of. They’re going to have a huge funeral and rebury the head, and maybe throw a party, because why not? (Euronews)
- Oh, and speaking of pointless surveys, the women on online dating websites have been polled, and decided that they want to be flirted with by complimenting their lips. Yes, that’s what you’ve been doing wrong all these years. Well, that, and you need that growth removed. Seriously, it’s past time. (Reuters)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- Apparently, the shorter skirts are, the better the economy is. So start dressing skimpily, ladies: our economy needs the boost. (Financial Times)
- How many car accidents does the Czech Republic have a year? 28,400. That sounds like a lot, until you realize we’ve got six million a year. (Car Accidents.org)