You know, when people talk about Cancun I can’t help but think about crazy nights of booze-fueled half-naked romps in hotel swimming pools with girls I barely knew and haven’t spoken to since. But enough about my honeymoon, the world is in trouble, mis amigos. I’m not sure if you’ve heard about this, but we’re apparently dealing with changes to something called the “climate.” I tried checking a dictionary to find out what that word means, but then I was distracted by a video of puppies fighting with a goat over food. Thankfully, we have great, honest, and diligent world leaders to handle this whole “climate” thing.
Thousands of leaders from around the world are flocking to Cancun, where they will determine the fate of our world’s climate by undoubtedly brainstorming a number of great ideas, putting them into effect immediately, and then they’ll sit back and watch as we all bask in a perfect world filled with rainbows, smiling puppies and a better Israel and Palestine. Hold on, I have a phone call… oh, it’s reality! Apparently, the global climate issues are way more complicated than a few weeks in Cancun and we should probably realize that our dignitaries will be taking body shots off of sassy senoritas while Croatia’s Jadranka Kosor ends up on Girls Gone Wild.
Kidding aside, it would be nice if those world leaders could accomplish something in Cancun, or at their next summit in South Africa, or at the following summit in South Korea, seeing as the Earth’s poorer nations are kind of depending on it. The International Food Policy Research Institute is warning that if something isn’t done soon, the climate change could wreak productive and economic havoc on the world’s basic food supplies. An increase of even 1 degree in global temperature could mean crop price increases of up to 130%. So help me if I have to pay anymore for my Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizzas.
And forget about science saving us. Recent findings by the European Space Agency have completely blown a hole in a scientific theory that a man-made layer of sulfur dioxide in the Earth’s atmosphere could help cool the planet and reverse the growing trends of climate change. Dude, I was totally just telling my company softball team that this idea was completely off. I mean, sulfur dioxide? Really? Thankfully, the ESA’s Venus Express probe has put an end to that nonsense, so now we’re back to ground zero. So good luck in Cancun, world leaders!
- World leaders meet in Cancun to discuss climate changes, dirty Coronas. (Reuters)
- Climate changes could raise food prices as much as 130%. What about beer? (The Guardian)
- Scientist’s theory about sulphur dioxide hit’s a snag. Go back to school, nerd! (CBC News)
- Well if it’s going to be warmer, you might as well take advantage of it and use those pesky vacation days. Thankfully, iPad has 6 free applications that can take all the pain and stress out of planning your next trip. I have a vacation coming up, but no iPad. What should we do about that, Apple? (Yahoo! News)
- A lesbian resort in Key West is feeling the pinch of the recession and will now open its doors to male guests for the first time ever. What kind of guy would want to stay at a place that has a bunch of chicks making out? (Courier Mail)
- Over the past century, the global temperature has increased by 1 degree; however, in places like Russia, Canada and Alaska, the temperature has increased as much as 7 degrees over the past 50 years. In related news, I ran out of Otter Pops today. Frownies. (Climate Change)
- More than 73% of global insurance companies are taking part in ClimateWise, which incorporates climate change initiatives into stock market investments. That number is up from 61% last year and 43% in 2008. Think about that the next time you invest in Rainforest Demolition, Inc. (NASDAQ)