Dr. Brian Williams was a trauma surgeon on duty during the Dallas police shooting. He worked tirelessly to save several officers and broke his silence over the experience in these two gut-wrenching videos. The first clip comes from Williams’ Monday night conversation with Don Lemon. He speaks of not being able to stop the “bad movie on an endless loop” from his mind. Williams can’t stop comparing his own life situation to the victims’ families. He’s also haunted by being unable to keep the policemen alive. The surgeon’s eyes visibly tear up during the entire video, and at one point, he does break down in tears: “It weighs on my mind constantly. This killing, it has to stop.”
Williams explains that he often cares for gunshot victims, but he was much more affected than usual on the job. There’s one big reason for this — he’d watched the news and absorbed quite a bit of shock when Alton Sterling and Philando Castile were killed by police:
“The preceding days of more black men dying at the hands of police officers affected me. I think the reasons are obvious. I fit that demographic of individuals. But I abhor what has been done to these officers and I grieve with their families … I don’t understand why people think its OK to kill police officers. I don’t understand why black men die in custody and they’re forgotten the next day. I don’t know why this has to be us against them. This is all really … it has to stop.”
Williams then makes a plea to the CNN audience. He believes everyone is connected, and the violence adversely affects even those Americans who are safe in their living rooms. He thinks more discussions about race relations should be had, or this trend will never end.
Also on Monday, Williams delivered a powerful message to the Dallas police department. He explained how emotional he felt about the racial undertones of the entire ordeal, which he believes go much further back in his psyche than last week’s traumatic events. Williams admits, as a black man, to feeling uneasy around law enforcement officers, who are often his colleagues. He hopes his daughter won’t one day carry the same burden. Williams struggles with this dichotomy, but delivers a conclusion that says everything: “I support you, I will defend you and I will care for you. That doesn’t mean that I do not fear you.”